Accepted Realities
by justareader13
Summary: By the way Sam reacted whenever Steve got so much as a bruise from fighting he knows he's glad there's one less thing to worry about so when Steve found himself with his head in the toilet puking up last night's dinner for the fifth time that week the thought of telling his boyfriend about this was immediately shot down. Mpreg
1. Rivers In Egypt

**AN: I swore I'd never make an MPREG fic and here I am doing the thing. *le sigh*. I'm still going to do it and enjoy writing it, hopefully you enjoy reading it.**

" _ **Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." – Mark Twain**_

 **PART I: Rivers In Egypt**

Steve is no stranger to being sick. He spent 3/4ths of his life from birth to 25 years old sick, he's been on the edge of death and felt his mortality before he ever picked up the shield but ever since Erskine pumped the mystery serum into his veins he hadn't so much as felt a throat tickle let alone had to break out his inhaler. On days Sam was sick, his allergies having set in or he came down with a cold, he acted like he loathed Steve his immune system but he'd cuddle up to him in the winter to absorb some of Steve's heat and by the way he reacted whenever Steve got so much as a bruise from fighting he knows he's glad there's one less thing to worry about so when Steve found himself with his head in the toilet puking up last night's dinner for the fifth time that week the thought of telling his boyfriend about this was immediately shot down. This could be anything: a stomach bug or food poisoning. Sure, he hadn't gotten sick since the 40's but that was his story and he was sticking to it and absolutely not telling Sam about this. He spit out the last of the regurgitated food, stood up, flushed the toilet then walked to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror and he looked a little pale from the puking but he wasn't warm (warmer than usual anyway) and his stomach was already settling down so he sighed and turned on the pipe in order to brush his teeth. By the time he was done, his cheeks had gained a considerable amount of color, enough for Sam not to question him should he be awake.

He wasn't when Steve went back to their bedroom; he lay fast asleep curled up in the fetal position with the sheets tangled around him. He seemed peaceful, his face smooth of lines and devoid of the furrow in his eyebrows he got when he was having a nightmare or dreaming about Riley. Steve smiled at the sight of him. He didn't think he'd ever have this after the missed opportunity with Peggy. Sure he'd gone on a few dates with Sharon at Natasha's urgings and he had liked her (though finding out she was Peggy's great niece put a damper on the romance) but she didn't understand him the way Sam did.

Steve was already half in love with him when Sam decided to run after him on his mission to find Bucky and despite the interludes with Sharon he had gotten to know Sam in a way he hadn't even gotten to know Peggy and after the mess with Ultron and the Maximoffs Steve felt Sam's mortality just as much as he had his own when he was a frail boy wracked with coughing fits being rocked in his mother's arms or a stubborn teenager barely able to move from the pain winter set in his bones while Bucky swaddled him in every blanket and sheet he could find while hugging Steve to warm him up. In those moments, those battle weary moments, he had resolved that just because he was out of his own time didn't mean he should waste the time he had now. When they were alone he didn't have to say a word. Sam took one look at him and understood what he wanted and what he would say. He had walked up to him, wordlessly caressed his cheek and then kissed him, Steve savoring it like a man in the desert would savor water and they'd been together ever since.

It wasn't always easy. Finding Bucky again had tested them and everyone else. The tabloids, news and magazines had a field day with the fact that Captain America was dating a man, a black man at that. Headlines reading things like 'Captain America Goes From Blonde Bombshell to Juvenile Delinquent', people dredging up the juvie record Sam had from 15 to 18 years old that mostly consisted of petty theft, speeding and breaking and entering. What no one mentioned was that the death of Sam's father prompted that, most outlets barely mentioned his military service or his work with the Avengers and the VA and his exploits taking down HYDRA. They even went as far as trying to drag Sam's mother and sister through the mud, bringing up the fact that Sam's mother had him at 19 and was unwed at the time and that Sam's sister had her own juvie exploits and had a "promiscuous" past. They rarely mentioned that Darlene was a nurse and Sam's sister, Sasha Wilson, was a successful statistician. Darlene Wilson had already been weary of her son having anything to do with Captain America let alone dating him. The news coverage hadn't been very helpful in her opinion of Sam being involved with him but she and Steve had reached a place of mutual understanding and respect and they visited her in Baltimore for a week once every two months plus Sasha half lived at the Tower now that she worked for Stark Industries and was dating Clint.

Despite the hassle the media gave them and a few (largely ignored) threats and proclamations of disgust from some fans many accepted their relationship, it'd been four years and he wasn't leaving Sam to please anyone else. He was proud of their relationship, they had even inspired a good deal of people to be themselves and love who they wanted. That was a way of saving someone just as much as physically fighting bad guys was. Steve liked where they were in their relationship, he liked this life and family he built for himself. He saw no point in ruining it by bringing up something that was most likely nothing. Steve crawled back into bed beside Sam and curled up close to him.

 _It's nothing. Absolutely nothing and I'm not lying to him, I'm just not wasting his time over nothing._ Steve rationalized before he went back to dozing lightly.

The puking stopped a week later to his satisfaction and there was no reason for Sam to ever know it happened at all.

Two months later Steve was in the park before the sun was even up running with Bucky. With all the craziness in their lives involving some protests against mutants (and superhumans) following the destruction Wanda and Pietros caused along with Tony's AI and some people still having issues with the newly reinstated (though very much more so underground) SHIELD and Bucky himself, they hadn't gotten a lot of alone time together lately. They were either on a mission or in a Senate or court hearing or Bucky locked himself in his room and wouldn't let anyone in. Steve felt it was important they caught back up with each other and since they were both awake he figured why not run. They talked about their missions, a bit about the Senate hearings they had but they weren't interested very much in that.

"So Tony is still accepting money for that bet." Steve said while they ran next to each other, the trees were blurs of green but they didn't so much as break a sweat thanks to the serum. Or they shouldn't anyway; Steve was feeling a bit clammy but ignored it.

"Which one's that?"

"He bet that you and Natasha are secretly married, that you have been since your days in Russia." Bucky snorted in response.

"'Whatever money Tony bet he's going lose because we're not married... I don't think so anyway. Natalia would've told me." Bucky answered.

"What about that other bet?" He continued, a smirk growing on his lips. Steve began to blush.

"What bet?"

"You know, the one where you and Sam are apparently going to be married within a year."

"Well, Tony's an idiot. He hides it but he's mushy. He likes this family the way it is. According to him, Sam and I belong to each other."

"You do not belong to each other, no one belongs to anyone. You belong with each other like Tony and Pepper or Bruce and Betty or Jane and Thor."

"Or you and Natasha?" Steve asked, giving Bucky a sideways smile.

"Or like me and Talia, yes." Bucky had long ago lost any shyness about his relationship with Nat if there was ever any shyness at all. After five plus decades together on and off and losing and finding each other over and over there was no point to shyness or uncertainty. Steve still got a little shy about his relationship with Sam. It's not that he was embarrassed or that he didn't want to marry him one day he just never pictured this life being his. He was fairly certain he would die alone or with just Bucky with him but then he met Peggy and they connected long before he was taller than her and then that opportunity was lost to him. Truth be told, she was the one that pushed him towards Sam.

 _ **'Stop dating Sharon before she gets in too deep and you end up hurting her. You know who you truly want. Me sitting in a room alone listening to static was how I thought the story of Steve Rogers ended but that's just where our story ended, your story is going on right now. Don't let someone else write it. You love that man, I know it. He's a good man. Don't waste him and for god sakes leave my niece alone. If you break her heart, arthritis and dementia won't stop me from giving you the thrashing of your life, Steve Rogers.'**_

 _Peggy always was blunt._ Steve mused as they rounded on their last lap.

The sun's rays were peeking over the horizon when they finally came to a halt. Once they slowed down and he was more aware of his body Steve was surprised to feel that he was in fact sweating. Not profusely, but still sweating. He also felt like he was slightly winded. Not enough for Bucky to notice but enough for Steve to deliberately breathe quieter so his best friend didn't catch on to the harshness of it. He did see when Steve' s hand instinctively went to his side as a sharp pain hit his abdomen.

"Is it your asthma?" Bucky asked with a teasing edge.

"Ha ha." Steve deadpanned.

"Are those old man jokes Natya's always cracking coming true?" He continued in jest but Steve could detect genuine concern.

"Nah, just a cramp. Guess I'm not as completely healed from that last HYDRA base as I thought." Bucky didn't look completely convinced but dropped it. Steve's eyebrows knitted together once his friend looked away. He wasn't that badly hurt on the last mission, just some cuts and bruises so what was that pain?

 _It probably was just a cramp. I have been burning both ends of the candle lately, just gotta cut back is all._ Steve reassured himself. He briefly wondered if he should tell Sam or have Bruce check him but decided against it. No point in wasting anyone's time.

Another month found Steve trying to focus on his sketching but being wholly unable to. He felt hot, hotter than normal. The room felt stifling, his blood felt like it was boiling and going straight to his groin. He imagined this was what a cat in heat felt like. It was ridiculous. The whole week he'd felt horny, obnoxiously and embarrassingly so, and to make matters worse Sam was away on an undercover mission with Natasha and Maria and he had no idea when to expect him back. The third day of feeling like a hormonal teenager and taking ineffective cold showers Steve had tried to handle the problem himself. He had tried to sate his need by simply jerking off but if anything that only exacerbated his problem and he found himself locking himself away just in case he sprung an accidental boner. He'd never live it down, Tony would not let him.

God must've decided to have pity on him because on the eighth day of Steve's newest issue Sam returned.

Steve was locked away not letting anyone, even Bucky, enter his bedroom but Sam had a key so he just walked in to find Steve laying on the edge of the bed with half his body hanging upside down off the corner while he tried to mimic the deep breathing exercises Bruce did. They actually worked and he was relatively calm as long as he didn't think of Sam. Sam's voice shattered that calmness.

"You forget to tell me you converted to Buddhism? What's with the meditating?" He asked. Steve's eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up to see Sam standing in the doorway smiling that radiant sideways grin at him and in the next second he was off the bed with his lips attached to Sam's.

"Well, it's nice to know I'm appreciated." Sam commented with amusement as Steve started kissing down his neck.

"I missed you. We both missed you." Steve said between kisses.

"Both?" Sam asked with distracted confusion. Steve's enthusiasm was starting to cloud his mind. Steve ground their groins together in response while he began sucking hickies into his neck.

"Oh, both."

"Uh-huh."

"Well if you think you can make it into the room let me show you how much we missed you too."

"We?" Sam pulled Steve in so he could feel his growing hardness. Steve inhaled a little sharper but wasted no time pulling Sam into the bedroom and slamming the door behind them. Steve moved his lips hungrily back to Sam's and maneuvered them towards the bed so he was on top and immediately started grinding their groins together harder to get more friction.

"Getting the feeling that you don't want this particular encounter to be long and lingering." Sam stated rather than questioned.

"Later." Steve promised.

"In that case..." Sam flipped them so Steve was on bottom. He immediately pulled down Steve's sweats to his ankles, making sure to free one of his legs so it wouldn't be a problem later on. His hands started towards the blonde's hard length but Steve stopped him.

"Uh-uh, just... just..." Steve trailed off, his hands flailing a little helplessly. Sam didn't need words to understand. He leaned down and kissed him soothingly, Steve pushing up more wantonly than he would normally allow himself to be but he didn't care. Sam reached towards the bedside dresser, opened the top drawer and pulled out the lube. He opened it and applied some to his fingers before he nudged Steve's legs open wider and pushed one of his fingers into Steve's ass. He looked at him with a little bit of surprise when he felt how loose he was.

"Like I said, m-missed you." Sam was able to fit a second finger easily much to Steve's appreciation but fitting a third would take more stretching. As Sam worked on loosening his muscles, Steve's hands weren't idle. He ran them from Sam's neck to his waist and unbuckled his jeans before his hand dove inside, crept into Sam's boxer briefs and tightened around his dick. Sam moaned as Steve flicked his wrist and went about bringing him to full hardness. Steve's natural elevated body heat made for one hell of a hand job not to mention the blow jobs.

As soon as Sam was able to comfortably fit three fingers into Steve he withdrew them, pulled his jeans down enough to free himself from the constricting denim confines and lined himself up with Steve's opening once he slathered some lube on himself. Steve was squirming and obviously wanted Sam to hurry so he wasted no time. Steve moaned loudly and shivered with a sense of triumph as Sam pushed inside of him. Sam held himself still once he was completely inside him so he could adjust but Steve wrapped his leg around Sam's waist causing him to slip a bit further inside the heat of Steve's ass.

"Please." He begged, grinding against him to push him inside of him deeper. Sam cursed and pulled Steve's other leg around his waist, pulled back and thrust into him again. Steve moaned desperately wanting faster and harder and more and although Sam soon set a pace that had him slamming into Steve, his prostate quivering and throbbing amazingly, he still wanted more. Steve flipped them over so he was on top and immediately began riding him harder than he ever did before.

"Fuck, Steve! Goddamn it." Sam hissed as Steve continued the assault and he knew he'd be aching and sore after this, Sam too probably and he might not be able to keep the promise he made earlier but he needed this in a way he never had before. Sam sat up and dragged them against the headboard so he would have more leverage to meet Steve's thrusts.

"Nugnh." Steve couldn't even speak properly, let alone think coherently at this point. He wrapped his arms around Sam's neck as they kept up the bruising pace, the sounds of flesh hitting flesh carrying obscenely through the room and Steve would be horrified with himself if he wasn't so beyond the point of caring at all.

Sam wrapped one arm tightly around Steve's waist so his thrusts were more concentrated on one spot and it felt so good Steve had to mentally check himself so he didn't end up crushing Sam when his arms tightened instinctively around his neck. He was moaning in Sam's ear, the headboard was slamming against the wall, their bodies were slamming inelegantly together, their shirts were still on, Sam's jeans was still covering the majority of his lower body while Steve sweatpants and boxers hung onto his left ankle for dear life. It was exactly what Steve needed and wanted at that moment, to be fucked roughly. He knew Sam had his hang ups about being too rough. It was a byproduct of watching your best friend and other good men and women die. That along with the fact that Steve put his own life in danger on a daily basis made it so Sam was not often willing to do something that in the end could hurt Steve even if he wanted it but they hadn't seen or talked to each other in a week and barely had time to really be together before Sam went away so he probably needed this as much as Steve did.

"Oh god, I love you. Sam, I love you so much. Ah..." Steve moaned out breathlessly. Sam wrapped his free hand around Steve's dick in response. Steve hadn't really been paying it any attention, didn't much care about it, he just wanted Sam inside of him but the effect of their rough lovemaking on him was apparent once Sam's hand locked around him. He was painfully hard and precum was dribbling down his cock. Sam began jerking him off just as quickly and hard as their thrusts against each other and it wasn't long before Steve stiffened, unable to breath at the force of his orgasm. Sam's arm tightened around his waist with bruising tightness as he filled Steve with the fruit of his own orgasm. They stayed completely still as air finally rushed back in and their bodies came back down from the high. Once they were able to feel like their hearts were back safely in their chest, Sam moved to pull out of Steve but he held him tighter and protested.

"No just… stay." Sam wasn't completely comfortable under Steve's body but leaned back against the headboard and released Steve's dick so he could wrap his other arm against Steve's back and pull him closer. Steve kept his arms loose around Sam's neck for fear he'd snap it if he held on as tight as he wanted to but he kissed his way up Sam's throat until their lips finally were able to meet again. The kiss was the softest Steve had given him since he looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. He pulled away and nuzzled his face back into Sam's neck.

Briefly, Steve wondered what had brought on his behavior. He had never acted this way before but maybe he was just stressed, scratch that he knew he was stressed and he had missed Sam. That must just be it, he didn't want to face the possibility that maybe his hormones were going out of whack. He didn't know what would cause that but it was irrelevant because he wasn't sick, he was just horny.

 _My boyfriend isn't anywhere close to ugly and I've been lonely with him gone along with Natasha, Bucky was missing Nat so he wasn't very distracting, Clint's been with Sasha mostly, Thor's in Asgard, Pepper's in France, Bruce and Betty are in South America and Tony's… Tony. This is normal, it's perfectly normal._ He reassured himself.

"If this is the greeting I get I should go away more often." Sam commented.

"Don't you dare."

"Only because you asked so nicely. And I might love you, just a little." Steve pulled back and looked into Sam's eyes with a smile playing along his lips.

"Just a little?"

"Mmhmm, just a little or maybe a lot, I'll never tell." Steve shook his head but accepted the kiss Sam gave him.

"Now mind getting off me? Because my legs are falling asleep and you're not exactly light."

"You calling me fat?" Steve asked incredulously, moving off Sam to lie beside him under the sheets and yeah, he's gonna be sore for a few days for sure.

"Well, I'm not calling you anorexic." Steve hit him on the shoulder as Sam pulled up his jeans with a chuckle. He didn't know how great at foreshadowing Sam was until a month later.

The whole team was in Asgard celebrating Jane and Thor's engagement. It was a long time coming and they all couldn't be more ecstatic for them. In true Asgardian fashion, a feast was being held in the happy couple's honor and the food was very plentiful. Steve didn't think he had or would ever see this much food in his entire life but he was enjoying it and himself and apparently drawing attention.

"Damn Rogers, I'm pretty sure you just went through two whole roasted ducks on your own." Tony pointed out. Steve felt his cheeks growing red but before he said anything Thor's friend Volstagg stepped in.

"Ha! Thor told me your stomach would rival mine. You'll need to put away three more ducks to come close to beating me, young Steven."

"No one's stomach could ever rival yours." Sif pointed out with amusement.

"Thank the gods, if so all the realms would be all out of food." Fandral said causing laughter to erupt and the conversation seamlessly turned away from Steve's eating habits without him having to say a word. Sam kissed his cheek with a chuckle, obviously gleaning Steve's relief before going back to his conversation with Sasha. Steve had noticed an increase in his appetite. It was barely noticeable because the serum had always made him hungrier but lately he seemed to want to stuff his face almost non-stop. It was more embarrassing than concerning but it wasn't like he really gained weight… or so he thought.

It was a week later, the little incident at Thor and Jane's party was all but forgotten and Steve was on his way to yet another Senate meeting pertaining to HYDRA/SHIELD's dealings. He wasn't sure why but apparently the fact that he helped expose HYDRA and was fighting back in the 40s made him the go to guy for the government and partly to blame in some of their opinions. Steve sighed as he opened his closet so he could get dressed.

"Uh oh, I recognize that sigh anywhere. Another conference?" Sam asked from his spot lounging on the bed doing something on his phone.

"I've said everything I could at this point. I'm going to be repeating everything I've been saying for the last four years… again." Sam came up behind him and wrapped his arm around his waist, leaned his head against his shoulder and met Steve's eyes in the mirror.

"You could play hookey with me. I could ask Rhodey to tell them there's a crisis in the Middle East. They'll believe that." Sam offered.

"They'll be sure to use my absence as ammunition in the next conference no matter what I was gone for." Steve pointed out.

"True." Steve sighed tiredly, these conferences were really leaving him fried. A lot of the politicians weren't as forgiving of Bucky as others were or as understanding of the fact that he was brainwashed and was technically a Prisoner of War and were trying to appeal the Supreme Court's decision to grant him immunity and drop all charges against him for his actions as the Winter Soldier, instead sliding those charges over to HYDRA. With the way they wanted Bucky to be in custody or chained up in a bunker somewhere he was half convinced some of them were HYDRA or they just wanted to own and control a weapon like the Winter Soldier, he wouldn't put it past them.

They weren't exactly taking Natasha's word anymore despite the fact that she was a SHIELD operative a lot longer than he was and they had her as one of the key witnesses in Bucky's trail. Their distrust mostly stemmed from her exploits as the Black Widow before Clint found her and decided she deserved a second chance but also because she had a hold on Bucky just as strong as Steve did and she wasn't beholden to the American bureaucracy in the same way he was. Clint and Maria took the heat off him when they could and Phil came back from the dead to help out too but Fury had been annoyingly silent. No, actually he hadn't been. Steve's pretty sure he sent Phil and he had been handling things with HYDRA a lot, taking them head on nonstop and weeding out people in high positions around the world who were actually apart of the "organization" because of the way they managed to weed their way into SHIELD. He felt it was his responsibility to deal with them. Steve said nothing because he felt it was his own responsibility but instead and being in the field to handle them he was stuck in press rooms because of course it all came down on Captain America in the end.

Sam brought his hands up and began massaging Steve's neck to work out some of the tension that flooded in the more Steve thought about his current position in life.

"Relax, you've got this. And if anything you can always pull a Tony and opened up the senators' prostitute filled closets." Steve chuckled a little, mostly in appreciation at Sam's attempt to cheer him up and this was one of the many reasons he loved this man.

"I think I'll leave that to Tony." Sam hugged him close before he leaned over his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"I'm going to go check if Maria or Melinda doesn't mind going with you."

"Sam—"

"They scare those guys enough that maybe they won't decide to go on a free for all against you today." Sam was out the door before Steve said anything else but he had to smile at his attempt to help him and protect him. He pulled on his button up shirt to finish getting ready and his smile turned to a frown as the shirt felt a lot tighter than normal around his lower abdomen.

"What the hell?" He mumbled. Maybe it got messed up at the cleaners or something. He took that shirt off and grabbed another with the same result. The third shirt yielded no change. He looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't think he looked much different, sure he'd been eating more but his metabolism was so fast that he shouldn't gain weight. He walked to the bathroom quickly and hesitantly stepped on the scale inside. His eyes widened to see he had gained 12 pounds. How the hell had that happened? It shouldn't be possible. Was he really eating that much or was his metabolism slowing down?

"Steve! Maria and Melinda agreed to go with you!" He heard Sam call from the living room on their floor.

"Uh, yeah. Good. I'm coming." Steve quickly ran out to the hallway to the closet where they kept clothing and other things the other Avengers left on their floor. He remembered there was a shirt there that was Thor's but it had shrunk in the wash to a size that was too small for him and at the time had been a little too big for Steve. It fit perfectly now. He quickly tucked it into his pants and pulled on his suit jacket that, thankfully, had always been a little loose on him. It was a snugger fit now but not enough to go noticed. He did his best not to think about what the weight gain could mean.

 _Maybe I really should ask Bruce to check me out._ He thought to himself.

In the end he didn't go see Bruce. The conference was particularly grueling. Some of the senators did everything they could to discredit him, even going as far as to insinuate that he was a HYDRA operative himself. Even with Melinda and Maria there it had been an exhausting 8 hour run around and Steve felt more stressed out and exhausted than he ever had before. When he trudged in Sam had looked at him sympathetically before he pulled him to the shower, helped him clean off the grime of the day under the wet spray and then helped him into his pajamas before pulling him into his comforting embrace. Sam didn't usually enjoy being wrapped in Steve's arms because he ran so hot but it was winter so he allowed this. Steve was able to fall fast asleep with Sam there even though his mind wasn't as at peace as his heart. It was some hours later that Steve jolted awake. He wasn't sure what had caused it, he didn't think he was having a nightmare and when he zoned his hearing he heard nothing and felt no presence besides Sam who had moved to the other side of the bed during the night. Steve's confusion was shattered by a sharp, stabbing pain in his abdomen that took his breath away from him. He stayed still to see if it was just a one off but then an even sharper pain hit him causing him to gasp. He looked over and Sam was still asleep so he slowly stood up on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom attached to the room. He closed that door and flicked on the light while trying to steady his breathing. He stumbled to the sink and lifted his hand to switch on the water but was startled to see it covered in blood. His eyes widened and he felt his breathing speed up.

"Captain Rogers, I'm picking up concerning vitals from you. Are you alright?"

Are you alright? Are you alright? He'd been denying something was wrong for so long that he nearly said yes but as another stab of pain brought him to his knees, making him knock the toothbrush holder to the ground, he finally told the truth.

"No. No JARVIS, I'm not fine. Get Sam, please." Steve said in a pained voice as he saw darkness looming on the edge of his vision. The last thing he saw was Sam standing over him with a horrified expression on his face.


	2. Conscious Breathing

**AN: Some references to other stories of mine but reading those aren't necessary. Also Sam's sister Sasha is based off the character Sasha from 'The Walking Dead', in looks if nothing else.**

" _ **Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor." -**_ _ **Thích Nhất Hạnh**_

 **PART II: Conscious Breathing**

Sam was dreaming. He knew he was because his dad was there and so was his grandmother. It was Thanksgiving at Nana Elise's house. His parents, sister, aunts, uncles and cousins were inside but he didn't see his Nana. He had gone outside searching for her and saw her sitting on the porch on the swing staring at the setting sun.

"Nana?"

"I was waiting for you, child. Come sit." The 14 year old sat next to his grandmother and leaned into her embrace.

"I knew, you know." Sam felt confusion at that.

"Ever since I saw you looking at Danny Nunez like he hung the moon when you were ten." She said with a chuckle that made him turn red. He had tried to keep his feelings towards boys secret because he felt his grandmother would be disgusted with him. He told her as much.

"You are my grandbaby. God knew who you would be before he put you on this earth. I don't care what those bigots and prejudiced bastards say. You live the life you want to live. You're only going to get one. Love who you want to love." Sam felt lightness in his chest at her words.

"Of course I didn't think it'd be Captain America. Mmm, he's cute." He looked at her with confusion again. Steve's after her time. How would she know?

"Don't think I'm not watching over you. Now things are going to get a little difficult but remember to breathe. Everything's gon' be alright. Just breathe." Sam felt even more confused at her words but was distract when he heard someone calling him distantly. The dream disintegrated around him as he jolted awake.

Sam opened his eyes and immediately closed them as the light flicked on.

"Damn it. What the hell, Steve?" He groaned.

"Mr. Wilson." He heard a familiar disembodied voice say.

"JARVIS?"

"Captain Rogers is in the bathroom. He is in distress and his vitals are concerning. He's asked me to wake you." Sam could almost hear anxiety in the AI's voice. Sam opened his eyes and pulled back the sheets wondering just how serious this was. When he saw a large blood stain on Steve's side of the bed he got his answer. He was immediately out of bed and running to the bathroom. He threw the door opened and found Steve passed out on the tiles, blood under him and on his hand. He felt his heart nearly rip out of his chest at the sight and he ran to his side and immediately checked his pulse. It was thready but there and he was still breathing but where the hell was the blood coming from?

"JARVIS, wake everyone. Tell Bruce and Betty to ready the med-lab."

"Of course." Sam pulled Steve up as much as he could until they were standing. He wrapped his arms around Steve waist and started dragging him towards the elevators. It took longer than he liked but eventually they were inside and the elevator was moving to the medical lab. Steve woke up with a moan of pain as the elevator rode down.

"Ah... Sam, it hurts." He whimpered holding tightly to Sam's shoulder as he grunted from the pain. Sam didn't know how to make it stop and that killed him.

"We're almost there. You'll be fine." Sam vowed. Truthfully he had no idea if that was true but it had to be. The elevator doors opened once they reached the basement and Bucky was waiting outside the doors with a serious expression that crumbled into horror when he saw all the blood. He immediately grabbed Steve's other side and together they carried him into the med-bay, whimpering and moaning in obvious pain with blood droplets trailing behind them. His state was enough to give the rest of the Avengers pause. He could see them all wondering how the hell this happened but thankfully Betty was the cooler head that prevailed. She wheeled a gurney over and helped Steve get on before wheeling him further into the med-bay past another glass door and into a curtained area.

"Bruce, Tony, Jane get in here! The rest of you stay out of the way if you want him to survive." Bruce immediately ran into the med-bay while Tony and Jane looked a little like deer in headlights. They weren't those kinds of scientist but then neither were Betty or Bruce. That was not a comforting thought but ultimately the two geniuses ran towards where Betty had taken Steve, making sure to close the glass doors behind them and secure the curtains which were thick and dark enough so Steve was away from their line of vision. As soon as they were gone he was barraged with questions.

"What the hell happened?"

"Were you attacked?"

"How could this happen?"

"What's going on?"

Sam didn't answer any of them; he just sat back heavily in one of the chairs and dropped his head into his hands. This felt surreal, it shouldn't be happening. It couldn't be. He knew something was wrong with Steve even though he tried to hide it. He knew he was vomiting almost every morning months ago then it stopped. When they were running he would actually sweat and be a little winded, not nearly as much as Sam or even Bucky and Natasha but enough that Sam noticed and he noticed the increase in his sex drive and appetite but he didn't say anything because he trusted Steve to come to him if it was something serious. Honestly, Sam had chalked it up to the stress of senate meetings and debates as well as going after HYDRA and standing up for mutants' and super-humans' rights to anonymity and privacy wreaking havoc on his hormones. He had no idea this would happen, if he lost Steve...

He shuddered and pressed the palm of his hands into his eyes. He felt someone sit beside him and soft arms that smelled of cinnamon wrapped around him comfortingly. Sam leaned more into his sister's embrace, drawing what comfort he could from her.

"He'll be alright. He's stubborn, you know that. Whatever this is, he'll beat it." Sam wanted to believe that but all the blood and Steve's moans and grunts of pain. Sasha began stroking his hair and leaned her head on his shoulder as he remained silent. There was nothing he could find to say, not until he knew whether or not he was going to be planning a funeral soon.

It was maybe fifteen minutes later that a door opened but it wasn't the one Sam wanted to see open. He recognized some of the people filing into the room behind Agent Hill and Agent Simmons as a part of SHIELD's medical department.

"What the hell is this?" Clint asked from his place on the floor across from Sam next to Natasha.

"Stark called, said they needed some more medical scientists and equipment. We came as soon as we could." Maria explained. Jane came bustling out from behind the curtain looking harried and frantic and they didn't miss the flecks of blood on her clothing. She quickly opened the door to let the SHIELD doctors and scientists in.

"Just go straight to the back." She directed, they immediately went towards where Steve was hidden without a word.

"Jane, what's happening to Steven?" Thor asked with concern and confusion. Jane opened her mouth to answer but closed it as if searching for words.

"It's... hard to explain and we're not sure of anything yet but he's okay right now. His super healing is starting to kick in so we managed to stop most of the bleeding and we've got him stabilized but we still got some work to do. I'll update you as soon as I can." Jane said quickly before slipping back into the room, locking the door behind her.

"At least they stopped the bleeding. That's a good sign." Sasha said in reassurance.

"Yeah, it is." Natasha said, backing her up. Her voice was steel and iron and so confident that there seemed to be no way that you couldn't believe her.

 _She always was a good liar. Sasha too._ Sam thought.

They sat out there for an hour and a half more waiting for news, good or bad before Betty, Bruce, Jane and Tony finally filed out the room, leaving Steve in Maria and Simmons' hands along with the other SHIELD personnel. The look on the four scientists' faces did nothing to lift Sam's spirits. They didn't speak when they came out and none of the Avengers who'd been waiting asked any questions, perhaps wanting to live in ignorance but it wasn't that blissful to begin with anyway so ultimately Sam sucked in a gasp of steadying air and made himself ask.

"Is Steve dead?"

"No, he's stable now and sedated." Bruce answered immediately.

"What was wrong with him?" Bucky asked now that he was able to think with the knowledge that his brother wasn't dead held close to chest. The four scientists looked at each other like they weren't sure what to say or do.

"You do know what was wrong with him, right?" Clint asked for clarification.

"Uh-huh, yup but... it's... well... I've honestly got no words." Tony stuttered. It was rare to see him flabbergasted so whatever it was it was big.

"Just tell us." Sam demanded. His boyfriend nearly died, he didn't need the run around right now.

"Steve was having a miscarriage." Jane blurted out.

"Miscarrying what?" Sam asked.

"Miscarrying a... baby well, a fetus but... yeah." Jane continued hesitantly, stopping altogether when Betty gave her a look at the 'fetus' part that clearly said 'not the time for science terms Jane, you're supposed to be in sympathetic friend mode not slightly insensitive, hyperactive astrophysicist mode'. The room went pin drop silent, no one uttering a word or looking away from the four scientists. They were all waiting for the punchline but Sam felt anger welling up.

"That shit is not funny." Sam said through gritted teeth.

"Steve nearly bled to death in my arms and you're cracking jokes? Tell me what's wrong with him."

"Yeah, kinda wishing it was a joke but it isn't. Rogers was pregnant." Tony threw in.

"In case you missed out on anatomy, which I find hard to believe, Steve's a guy. I'm more certain of that than most." Sam answered. Betty stepped forward and spoke in a calm voice.

"This is why it was a little overwhelming for us when we did a scan and labs and got back the positive pregnancy results. We called in SHIELD thinking our equipment was busted but they got the same results and the surgery we just performed-"

"We had to in order to save his life. We found that he has a uterus, though we didn't find a viable birth canal, and he was pregnant. 24 weeks pregnant." The room became very quiet again, Sam went still in a state of shock as Betty continued talking.

"We think the serum probably is the cause of the physiological changes in his anatomy. Erskine wasn't sure of all the effects it would have on him or if it would even work but there was some speculation in his notes and made later on by other scientists that there might be some code switching at his base amino acids and gametes that could theoretically give him female internal structures. Erskine died before he could check Steve out and with him not really having any medical exams thereafter we would never know until something happened, like now." Sam sat back in disbelief as their words sunk in. He felt like he was in a friggin' science fiction novel.

"Wait, you said was pregnant and that he was having a miscarriage. Is the baby dead?" Clint asked, Sam's head snapped up. Betty turned to speak directly to him.

"There's bad news and good news. The bad news is that when we opened him up we found that your son was already dead. I'm sorry." Sam looked down, not really sure he could take much more surprises tonight.

"We delivered him and cleaned him up and you can see him if you want." Betty let it sink in for a few seconds before continuing.

"The good news? We managed to get Steve stabilized and have his healing kick in quick enough that we were able to save your daughter." Sam's head snapped up again.

"My... daughter? You said _was_ pregnant."

"He was pregnant with twins. He's not anymore, just one baby. She was a little distressed but not enough that we had to deliver her. I'm sorry about your son but congratulations on your daughter." Betty finished with a small smile and Sam wondered how the hell she was so at ease with this. Guess having Bruce Banner/The Hulk as a boyfriend really expands your mind. Good for her but Sam was freaking out and if the walls moved in anymore he was going to hurl.

"I need a minute." He mumbled before stumbling out of the med-bay to the stairwell off to the side and sat heavily on the steps. He felt like he couldn't breathe, his chest felt tight and his lungs hurt. How the hell had he let this happen? He should have just confronted Steve and made him get checked out back when he first knew something was wrong. If he'd done something sooner maybe this wouldn't have happened, Steve would've never been in that level of pain and their son would not be dead.

 _ **Their son**_.

He never thought he'd attribute those words to himself and Steve. Sure, they talked about having children one day in the abstract but their lives weren't conducive for children. How the hell was he supposed to do this? How could he protect Steve and their daughter when she was born when he couldn't even protect their son in the womb? Sam sat with poisonous thoughts of self-doubt and self-blame for about five minutes before the door opened and he felt cold metal brushing against his left side as Bucky sat next to him.

"How long do you plan on wallowing out here when Steve needs you in there?" He asked bluntly.

"Seeing as how I apparently just lost a child I never knew I could have had, I think I'm gonna be a minute more." Sam answered with a bit more venom than he was usually comfortable using.

"That's fair and I respect your right to mourn but not if you're going sit out here and stupidly blame yourself for something that isn't your fault."

"I knew something was wrong with him for months and I didn't say anything."

"Steve's stubborn, he probably didn't want to worry you. This isn't his fault any more than it's yours. I'm pretty sure this possibility wasn't even close to the list. You lost a son, I'm sorry you did but you've still got a daughter and you've got Steve. You might not feel like you can now because you think you hurt him but you've got to be there for them. You know he's going to blame himself once he finds out. You have to be there to pull him through this and you've got me and Nat and Sasha and Clint and everyone else ready to pull you through this. You're not doing it alone."

Sam felt like a balloon was inflating inside of him since he first saw that bloodstain next to him and Bucky's words effectively burst that bubble. Sam could feel his throat burning with the tears he was holding back. One or two fell but that's all he would allow even as the cold metal of Bucky's hand rubbing against his back outweighed the comfort he wished to give through the touch. Sam took a deep, steadying breath and grabbed ahold of his emotions, pushing them down and shoving them on a shelf to deal with later. He abruptly stood up and straightened his shoulders. Bucky was right, Steve did need him. He moved to walk away but Bucky grabbed his arm before he could get far.

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't shut down, don't close yourself off or sacrifice your own feelings for Steve. You know he'll hate that."

"Coming from you, that's real rich."

"Coming from me you'd better take it to heart. You're right, you lost a child. A whole world of possibilities just died, you're allowed to feel that. You told me people are allowed to feel angry and hurt when they suffer a loss. You should really start taking your own advice, this is becoming a pattern." Sam knew he was referring to the time he tried to run away after Loki brainwashed him. He started getting urges to kill Steve and instead of sticking around and seeing if they could solve it as a team he tried to isolate himself. Bucky wouldn't let him do it then either.

'If you need help I'll help you because that's what you did for me. I'll be with you 'til the end of the line.' That had gotten through to Sam then but this was different and he told Bucky as much.

"You're getting ready to isolate yourself because you're afraid of hurting Steve. Yeah, he's going to be hurt but it won't be your fault. You think I'd be here if I thought it was?" Sam silently conceded that Bucky would be standing like a sentinel at the doors blocking Steve from the others if he thought any of them would intentionally hurt his brother.

"You and Steve need to grieve together and deal with this and what it all means so you can focus on your daughter. Don't take that away from him or yourself." Sam felt emotions that he tried to stamp down welling up again and he fell back against the wall behind him, his shoulders starting to shake with suppressed sobs and his eyes blurring with tears. He felt Bucky hesitantly and cautiously pulling him into an embrace that was more comforting than the cold metal on his shoulder was. He felt the tears running down his face as Bucky pulled back and held his face with steady hands.

"It isn't okay. None of this is okay. You're angry? You get to be. You're sad? You get to be. You're afraid? You get to be that too but don't do it alone, it won't make any of this better or okay." Sam nodded and Bucky pulled him into one more hug before letting him go.

"The baby, he's in a room. Betty said you could see him if you want. He's... you can see him." Sam wasn't sure if he could or should without Steve but he needed to. He needed a moment with his son to himself before he even confronted what he would say when Steve woke up and how he'd react to all the shocking news. Sam wiped his face clean of tears but he knew his eyes were red and the tear stains on Bucky's shirt were enough evidence towards it. He took another deep breath before abruptly turning towards the door and striding out of it without so much as a waver in his step, he could hear Bucky walking directly behind him. When he got back to the makeshift waiting room everyone was still there and looked at him as he entered but his gaze remained on Betty.

"I want to see him." He didn't need to specify, she understood who he meant. She nodded to him.

"Of course. I'll make sure the room is empty for you." Betty walked off towards the curtained area beyond the glass doors.

"Sam..." He heard Sasha say behind him, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

"Sammy, I know you have to do this but you don't have to go in there alone." Sam turned towards his sister.

"You know what Ma always says, 'there's just certain things you gotta have the strength to do by yourself.' This is one of those things."

"But you don't have to."

"The room's clear." Betty said from behind him. He kissed his sister on the forehead before slipping away from her and following after Betty. He didn't hear footsteps following behind him.

Beyond the curtains the room opened up to a bloody bed and equipment, where they were first working on Steve he supposed, and then there were four doors beyond that point. One he knew to be an operating room, one was a large room with an MRI machine and an X-Ray machine, the third and fourth were bedrooms. Beyond one door laid Steve, beyond the other their son. He followed Betty to the room closest to the operating room. She didn't say anything once they stood in front of the door she just walked away and left him there. He felt himself trembling wondering if he made the right decision doing this on his own but he steeled himself. He had identified his father's body, he watched Riley fall in a fiery spiral out of the sky and happened upon what could no longer constitute as a body and he held the love of his life in his arms while he was miscarrying the babies neither knew could exist so he needed to do this, he was strong enough to do this. He needed to see his son.

He reached out and slowly opened the door. The room was silent and on the bed wrapped in a bundle of blankets was his son. He closed the door and was enclosed in oppressive silence, he was the only one breathing in the room. He inched away from the door towards the bed until he was standing above the painfully small bundle. He started crying again when he saw him, his child. He reached a hand out to him but pulled back. He didn't want to hurt him anymore than he'd hurt already. In a way he was glad Steve wasn't here. The baby's skin was reddish pink, no real discernible shade yet and his eyes were closed. He didn't have hair on his head yet but his eyebrows were a dark shade of brown. Everything but his face was covered. Sam preferred that.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered to the child before he turned and walked out the room. Once outside he leaned heavily against the door, trying not to sob too loudly. The SHIELD operatives were still bustling around somewhere and he didn't want to deal with the awkwardness. When he managed to pull himself together and looked up Maria was standing across from him looking for all the world like she'd rather be anywhere else.

"I don't do... this. You know, comfort and gooey emotions that's just... not me. But you're a good guy and Cap's alright when he's not ordering me to kill him so... you know...my condolences and all that jazz." Sam wasn't sure what to say so he didn't say anything.

"Anyways, Rogers will probably be up soon and he'll need you so I'm going to get my people gathered." Maria began walking off but Sam stopped her.

"Thanks for helping Steve and the babies. I know you did all you could."

"It's no big deal, figure I owe you one." Maria replied with a barely there smile you'd have to know her to see.

"I'll do my best to make sure Steve doesn't drag you into his suicide missions in the near future." Sam replied, quirking a shadow of a smile.

"That would be appreciated. Be easy, Snap." Maria told him with genuine comradery in her voice before continuing to walk away. Sam took another deep breathe and suddenly his dream of his Nana came to his mind.

' _Everything gon' be alright. Just breathe.'_ He wasn't sure he was in the right mind frame to look closer into the dream and what it could mean but he let his Nana's voice calm him and he continued to take deep breaths before he pushed himself upright, held his hand to the door and then began walking towards Steve's room. It was just as hard to walk into Steve's room as it was their son's but he could breathe a little easier with the knowledge that at least Steve was alive beyond the door. He carefully eased it open and walked inside with enough stealth to make their resident super-assassins and spies shed a tear in pride. He silently shut the door and then turned to Steve in bed.

He was asleep, sedated would be more accurate. His skin was pale white but clean of the blood that previously poured out of him. For someone as big as him (and awkward to boot while still not quite accepting this body as his body but keeping it nonetheless because what else was there to do), he looked frail. He had seen pictures of Steve before the serum and thought he was safe with the knowledge that he'd never have to deal with Steve being that... breakable. He'd had quite enough of looking upon his dead loved ones' broken remains, that was never meant to happen with Steve. With Steve he'd resolved that he would go before the blonde did but now Steve was vulnerable, not just from his own body which seemed on the fritz from the pregnancy but outside sources.

SHIELD now knew he was pregnant and while he did trust Nat, Clint, Maria, Phil and his team and even Fury there was no real guarantee that HYDRA was completely flushed from the organization or the government for that matter or the general public. The government would probably want to kidnap Steve and their daughter and experiment on them. HYDRA would love to get their hands on the child of a super-soldier, perhaps turn her into a weapon like they had Bucky. Who knew what the average person's reaction would be? They couldn't risk the truth getting out, that much was clear. Sam walked close to Steve's bedside and carefully took his hand, not wanting to wake him. Partly because he wanted to put off telling him the truth and partly because Steve needed the rest.

He looked around at the set-up. Steve had a plethora of wires running through him monitoring his heartbeat, blood oxidation, blood pressure and all other manner of things. He could see another monitor was showing his hormonal levels and they were way off _his_ normal. It wasn't life threatening but it explained a lot of the changes in his running capabilities, sex drive, appetite and metabolism.

There was one more monitor across from the bed and Sam knew it was a fetal heart monitor with one look. He'd seen them before at the VA for the pregnant vets who came trying to handle both their pregnancy and PTSD at once. Their daughter's heartbeat pounded throughout the room alongside Steve's, his a strong staccato and her's light and fast like a hummingbirds wings. His eyes became locked on the small monitor as the wavy lines switched to a live 3D ultrasound. Seeing his son had been surreal. He looked more like an unfinished doll than a baby but hearing his daughter's heartbeat with Steve's while looking at her in the womb, alive and moving, was the most real thing to happen that night. His free hand moved to Steve's abdomen of its own volition. His stomach was firm but then that was nothing new. It was the slight roundness and loss of ab definition that was new. Sam was careful because he recalled they did surgery and he didn't want the wound to reopen so his touch stayed light.

He felt slight movement under his hand, barely noticeable, but now he knew what it meant. It was like all his worries, all his doubts were instantly washed away and most of the sadness and anxiety were wiped away by this new being that they created. He would admit he left a part of himself in the room next door but the parts in this room felt an ever expanding pit of love grow within himself. The 3D ultrasound switched back to the jumpy lines of her heartbeat. He sighed his first sigh of some relief. He wanted to protect them more than anything even more now. They were his family and he knew he'd give his life for them in a heartbeat. He just hoped once Steve got over the shock he would be able to be happy about their daughter even though he would be sad about their son. Sam suddenly felt pressure against the hand that was holding Steve's. Steve was squeezing it. He was waking up.

 _Well, here we go._ Sam thought and it in no way prepared to have this conversation.

' _ **Everything gon' be alright. Just breathe.'**_ He took another deep breathe.

 _Breathe Sam, just breathe._


	3. Wretched Minds

_**Nothing is more wretched than the mind of a man conscious of guilt.**_ _ **– Plautus**_

 **PART III: Wretched Minds**

Steve had woken up in enough hospitals to recognize the annoying beeping going on in his ears and he'd been with him long enough to know the feel of Sam's hand in his. He squeezed his hand, his arm catching up with his brain even as his eyes struggled to open. He felt pain all over, particularly in his abdomen. His mind was brought back to when Bucky shot him on the helicarriers but it was a different feeling than being shot. He vaguely recalled being in excruciating pain and bleeding a lot but that's as far back as his memory reached. If he wanted answers he would need to fully awaken for that. It took longer than he would like, they probably gave him enough sedatives to put an elephant to sleep. After a herculean effort his eyes were finally able to crack open to the too bright lights of a medical room. He was tempted to snap them shut again but instead he squinted against the whiteness and rolled his eyes in the direction where Sam was squeezing his hand. He was standing above him with a smile dimmer than usual and his eyes were red, probably from both crying and exhaustion. If Steve were crasser he'd ask 'who died' but seeing as how it was almost him he refrained.

"On your left." He said instead, his voice sounding rougher than normal. Sam's smile brightened a little so that was a victory.

"You had better be." Steve smiled up at him as Sam leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead.

"So... is it my asthma?" He asked teasingly with a real question underlying it. He knew that his health getting to this point was partly his own fault. He should've just told Sam something was wrong the minute he started puking. If he was upset with him after this he wouldn't blame him. Sam's eyes roamed over his body before looking him in the eyes and something in them gave him pause. He seemed like he was struggling for words which wasn't usually like him. Steve furrowed his eyebrows, it couldn't be that bad.

"Sam?"

"It's definitely not asthma."

"But you know what it is?" Steve asked, trying to fish and make it a little easier for his boyfriend.

"Yeah."

"Is it terminal?"

"... depends who you ask."

"Am I better?"

"You're not dying."

"Is it contagious?"

"That'd be inconvenient and scary but no."

"Well is the bleeding episode going to happen again?" Sam's head shot up with a fire in his eyes Steve rarely saw.

"I will not let that happen again." He said fiercely. Steve was a little taken aback now and startled.

"Okay Sam, enough with the twenty questions. What the hell is going on? What happened?" Steve asked. Something had changed, he didn't know what it was but it affected Sam deeply and the way he was acting made it seem like he was weary of Steve's own reaction.

"It's hard to explain Steve. You don't even know... it's hard to explain." Steve sighed exasperatedly. Sam was trying to protect him like always and this was one of the times it was annoying him.

"Just tell me." Some of his annoyance must've shown in his voice from the look on Sam's face. He sighed seeming to gather his inner strength before he took the plunge.

"You're pregnant and you were having a miscarriage." Steve stared at him for a moment before he started laughing. He had to stop after only a few seconds due to the pain it caused in his abdominal area but he still chuckled softly. Leave it to Sam to try to lighten the mood. It was one of the reasons Steve loved him. He didn't notice that Sam's face remained serious until a minute later.

"Come on. Tell me what's really going on." Sam didn't say anything.

"Sam." He still got no answer.

"Sam?"

"Steve, I'm serious." Steve wasn't smiling anymore.

"That's ridiculous, not to mention impossible so just tell me. Is it cancer? Some kind of serum side effect?" Sam pointed to Steve's right and he hesitantly looked over to it. There was a monitor there showing the pointed lines of a heartbeat.

"It's my heartbeat, so what?"

"No, this is your heartbeat." He said, indicating the monitor to Steve's right which was clearly attached to his arm. He looked back over to the other heart monitor and visually followed the cord to his stomach. He felt himself breathing faster as the screen switched to show the image of a small baby. It was hard to explain, looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. He looked to Sam with confusion.

"What the hell is that?"

"Our daughter." Steve stared at him dumbfounded.

This is a joke. An elaborate joke. He's trying to get me back for keeping secrets from him.

"Okay Sam, you've made your point. I should've told you the truth. Can we end the joke now?" Steve stared at Sam expectantly, waiting for him to burst out laughing and smile his crooked smile and start joking about the look on Steve's face.

"Steve…" Steve swallowed a deep breath, trying to calm himself down because Sam looked dead serious and this was impossible, he was a guy. He couldn't be pregnant and what the hell would he do with a baby? He had no idea how to raise a kid, much less hold one. He'd be a horrible father, he'd mess his kid up, traumatize them, maybe he'd raise another Loki. It was a moot point either way because he wasn't pregnant. He tried to think straight but the beeping was so loud and he could hear it now, the second heartbeat in the room. His was a strong baritone and then the other was a flurry of beats.

No, this isn't real. Get ahold of yourself, Rogers. None of this is real, you're still dreaming. That's it, you're asleep. Just wake up and it'll all be over.

Just as he managed to start to calm down he jumped up a bit in bed, his stomach throbbing with the movement.

What the hell?

He felt something moving inside of him. Something… something…

Jesus Christ, I'm pregnant!

"What is it? What is it?!" He exclaimed frantically looking to Sam and not touching his stomach.

"What?" Sam asked confused.

"This… thing, what is it? Is it HYDRA? Is it some kind of alien, what the hell is it?" Sam looked vaguely amused at Steve's freak out now.

"Pretty sure it's just your run of the mill gestating baby. Or so Betty says." Sam replied sarcastically. Steve glared at him before looking down at his stomach like something was going to rip its way out of him.

"Hey, hey look at me." Sam said, tilting Steve's face towards him as he didn't look away from his stomach.

"I know it's confusing right now, and honestly it's get even more confusing and what I'm going to tell you is going to hurt but you'll be fine. I'm right here with you and I'm not leaving you. I love you." Sam leaned and pressed a kiss to Steve's lips and the effects were just as they were after the incident with Ultron. His nerves and muscles instantly relaxed and he returned the kiss as much as he could while still half in shock. Sam pulled away and leaned his forehead against Steve's before pulling away and staring at him, probably to assess if Steve was going to go into panic mode again.

"I'm not going to have a mini meltdown again, just tell me what's happening." Steve implored, wanting everything to make sense again. Sam sighed before he looked into Steve's eyes. Steve felt a deep sense of foreboding settle in him at that look. How bad could it be?

He jinxed himself. How bad could it be? He was tempting fate asking himself that question. He was pregnant for five months and didn't know; now as a result his son would never get a chance to live. Of course he could never have guessed he was pregnant (and he felt stupider than ever for not asking Erskine more questions than he did) but he had known something was wrong and now...

He looked up at Sam, he looked sad and it was clear in eyes he had been crying and was exhausted. He was hurt and Steve did that to him. He couldn't stop his father from dying in the war, he couldn't save his mother from illness, he wasn't fast enough to save Bucky from falling from that train and into HYDRA's clutches, he hurt Sam, he killed their son, how was he supposed to protect their daughter if he failed everyone else he loved?

"Stop it." Sam said firmly.

"Do not sit there and blame yourself because it's not your fault. There was nothing you could've done."

"I could've been upfront and told you something was wrong. We could've prevented this If we knew I was... pregnant." Steve had to force himself to say the word. He was not comfortable with this reality, he didn't know if he ever would be. He was still half expecting this all to be a sick joke or a bad dream.

"There are women who know about their pregnancy from week one and still have miscarriages and it isn't their fault, it just is. Granted the circumstances are different here."

 _I'll say._ Steve thought dryly but didn't say anything. He had a responsibility and he failed. He thought back on all the things he'd been doing lately that was bad for a pregnancy. He'd been drinking alcohol, mostly beer and wine, but it was still alcohol. He been drinking coffee nearly every day and running rigorously (due mostly to him noticing his ab definition disappearing and now he knew why) plus he'd been fighting HYDRA and going on missions and he had taken physical hits to the abdomen. The fact remained he did not protect their babies and one of them died, there was no changing that.

"If you're going to blame yourself you should blame me too." Steve looked at Sam with confusion. He was getting a little annoyed of feeling so confused.

"I knew something was wrong with you and I didn't say anything about it." Steve froze at that and then sighed.

 _Sam knew. Of course he knew, shouldn't have tried to keep it from him anyway._

"How long?"

"Way back when you started blowing chunks. I didn't say anything because I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me."

"It's not that I didn't trust you Sam, you know I do, I just-"

"Didn't want to worry me, I know. Either way, if you feel that you're to blame better dig a grave for me too." Steve looked down at his stomach, his fingers ghosting over it. He was still a little freaked out and afraid to touch it. A baby was inside there, his baby. It was going to take getting used to.

"Besides, I was the one who knocked you up. Didn't know my sperm was that strong but when your back and feet start aching feel free to hate my guts." Sam told him jokingly. The last thing Steve wanted to do was laugh but he began chuckling at Sam's attempt to cheer him up. He didn't know that his laughter turned to crying until the tears physically burned the back of his eyes. Sam pulled his head into his chest as Steve sobbed.

"I got you. I'm not letting you go." Sam promised him. It made him cry harder. Steve pulled away from him and moved over in the bed to give Sam room to climb in. He didn't waste time and as soon as he was settled he pulled Steve into his chest and held him tightly as the tears ran down his face. He sunk into Sam's embrace finding comfort, warmth, understanding and love there. He felt safe crying in front of him and as he felt Sam press a slightly wet cheek against Steve's forehead he knew that feeling was mutual.

"Did you see him?" Steve asked some time later after they lay together grieving their loss.

"Yeah, I did."

"I want to see him." He felt Sam tense up against him prompting Steve to lift his head from his chest and look up at him.

"You don't want me to." It came out more accusing than Steve had wanted to say it.

"Honestly, no I don't. And it's not because I think you can't handle it because I know you can but I think you're going to punish yourself even more over something that you couldn't prevent and I don't think that our son would've wanted that if he could've had a say. I think that it might be too much of a shock on your body, if not your mind. You just got out of surgery and you need to recover more and I... I just don't think you should." Sam said softly. Steve knew Sam was doing his best not to offend him because he didn't want to fight and Steve didn't either, not now. The fight wouldn't really be about Steve's pride, it'd be about his guilt and he didn't want to say or do something he'd regret or get too riled up and possibly hurt their daughter (more than he already had anyway).

"What did he look like?" He asked, dropping the subject of him seeing him for now.

"He looked like... a doll. He didn't have much hair but from what I could see it was dark brown. I couldn't really tell a skin tone yet and his eyes were closed so..." Steve looked away, feeling his throat and chest tighten again but he pushed through it.

"Maybe he would've had your eyes." Steve theorized.

"I think I would like that. Maybe she'll have your eyes though, that'd be better. She'll be breaking hearts with those baby blues in no time." Sam answered, sensing Steve's need to get off the topic of their son for the time being.

"On second thought, it's better if she takes after me in the romance department. Lord knows you're as smooth as a cliff face." Sam teased. Steve scoffed at that.

"I got Peggy." He said haughtily. Sam was the one to scoff this time.

"Peggy got you but in your defense no one is good enough for that woman." Steve bit back a smile. Sam had the hugest crush on Peggy when he was a kid that didn't abate in his adult life so their first meeting was interesting to say the least. Lots of blushing and innuendos were involved, that's for sure. Sam practically worshipped the ground she walked on. Steve didn't mind because he still loved Peggy and Peggy adored Sam. Bucky always joked that if Sam was around back then or if Peggy was younger the three would probably form a threesome. Steve didn't bother denying that.

"I got Sharon." Steve said, continuing to present his case.

"To shut Natasha up and because Sharon felt a little guilty about lying to you about being a SHIELD agent."

"I got you."

"Moment of insanity."

"A 4 yearlong moment."

"What can I say? Your dimples are very convincing. The skin tight shirt didn't hurt any either."

"Don't forget the baby blues." Sam finally flashed Steve the smile he had been waiting for, the bright one that warmed him up starting from his toes and working its way up only to zap all his worries away. Steve felt his lips involuntarily quirk into a small, soft smile as Sam once again managed to pull him out of himself and make him feel lighter than he had since he woke up. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Sam's lips briefly.

"Thank you." Sam smiled impossibly wider at him and looked like he was going to say something but there was a knock on the door.

"Is everyone decent in there?" He heard Tony ask.

"Tony, Steve just had surgery what would they be doing?" Bruce asked reproachfully.

"I know what I'd be doing." Steve could practically hear the lecherous grin in Tony's voice and Bruce's put upon sigh was clear as day.

"Can we come in?" Sasha asked. Steve and Sam looked at each other and positioned themselves so Sam was sitting up with his back propped against the headboard and Steve half sat up while resting his back against Sam's chest. Sam wrapped his arm around Steve's torso, staying conscious of the stitches in his stomach.

"Come in." Steve called, once they were comfortably situated. The door immediately flew open and their housemates flooded into the room. Steve was pretty sure they already knew by the way all their eyes shot to his stomach first before making their way to his face. Tony just confirmed his suspicions by jovially stating,

"Yay, a baby avenger! Thought that task was going fall to me and Pepper, good on you to take the responsibility away Cap." Steve rolled his eyes at Tony's words.

"Well, I'm here to help." Steve replied dryly.

"Look at us. Got our own mascot now, like a real team." Tony continued, practically bouncing in place.

"Mascot?" Thor asked with confusion.

"Really? Of all the earthly things we've yet to explain to you that one's on the list? How is that even possible? Your fault, Capsicle." The genius ranted as Jane began explaining the concept of a mascot to her fiancée. Steve didn't even bother asking how the blame fell to him.

"Honestly, I gotta say I was tempted to come in here and lecture you two about contraception." Clint said. Sasha rolled her eyes as she walked over to Sam's side of the bed.

"Yeah, no kidding. You ranted about the merits of wrapping it up for like ten minutes, Birdie." She pointed out before cleaning down to kiss Sam's forehead. There was annoyance in her voice but her nickname for her boyfriend told them she wasn't really annoyed.

"But then I thought 'what's one more member of the team'?" Clint continued as if she didn't speak.

"She'll be cuter than this bunch, that's for sure. I have so much to teach her." Natasha commented. Steve wasn't sure if he wanted his daughter taking lessons from Natasha about anything but then again he'd feel secure if he knew she was Natasha certified.

"Maybe that'll be her superpower; she'll enchant people with the ferocity of her adorableness." Clint theorized.

"Not a word." Natasha commented.

"Is now."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Oh please." Natasha scoffed. Bruce's voice broke through Clint and Nat's bickering.

"Congratulations, if this is a good thing for you guys. If not then, well..." Bruce trailed off awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.

"Nice going. Solid sentence you managed to form there." Tony said sarcastically, causing Bruce to look even more sheepish.

"Yeah, it got away from me." Betty patted Bruce on the back comfortingly while Steve smiled a bit at his attempt to make conversation and answered so he wasn't left floundering anymore.

"Don't worry Bruce. This will take some getting used to but I don't think it's a bad thing, not all of it anyway." He said looking down as the memory of his son came back to him. The team had come in and per usual took his mind off the sadness he felt. They kept the conversation on his living baby for which he was grateful. He felt a hand grab his free one and he didn't have to look to know it was Bucky; he held his hand tighter as he felt a kiss being pressed to his forehead. He looked over and Sasha was leaning over the bed rail smiling at him, he smiled back. He was still sad and shocked and felt guilty but he was also surrounded by friends and family and that was more than he could ever have hoped for in such a situation as this.

In the end Steve does not go see their son and Sam's grateful for it. Steve still feels a little like Sam's trying to protect him but maybe he needs it this time so instead they decide to have him cremated. They drive to the Hudson together once Betty gives the okay for Steve to move. The Avengers along with Maria and Phil's team accompanied them and Steve doesn't try to stop them. When he was a kid and on the occasions one of them weren't sick his mother would bring him to the Hudson and hold up against the rails as the breeze blew the grimy air off the water's surface. Crazy thing was it never made him sick, it always made him feel better and the feel of his mother's arms around him, strong and supportive, was something that never faded away even if when he tried to draw her he could never get her face exactly right. The whole team went out on one of Tony's boats and when Steve was ready he let the ashes flow through the air, letting the breeze send them drifting away from them and towards the bridge. No one said anything, there was nothing to say.

When they got back to the Tower Clint finally broke the silence.

"What now?"

"If people find out…" Skye said before trailing off.

"They'll want to experiment, use me and use her to do who knows what." Steve finished. The others looked at him and their faces showed that the thought had crossed all their minds as well.

"Much as I love the whole team being together, might be harder to hide this with the paparazzi camped out across the building." Tony commented.

"That plus all these upcoming Senate meetings don't exactly provide a stress free environment." Bruce added. He and Betty had shared their theories on Steve's pregnancy and had pegged the cause of the miscarriage on extreme stress.

"People can be cruel when they are afraid and as these past few years have taught us, anything that is different makes people afraid. So how do we keep Steven safe and make sure that he is in a stress free zone?" Thor said. Everyone was silent and contemplative before Maria spoke up.

"Maybe we get a little help from some friends." Phil looked at her and the two seemed to silently communicate with each before Phil turned to Steve and Sam.

"How would you two feel about upstate New York?"

"Specifically?" Sam asked.

"Westchester County."

"Isn't that where Professor Xavier's mutant school is?" Clint pointed out.

"Well, the Professor and SHIELD are long standing allies. He's the one we called in to help with psychological issues out own psychiatrists couldn't handle."

"He's the one who removed the Red Room's triggers from my head and I got him to remove the triggers from James' head too before we met up with you and Sam again, Steve. He's trustworthy." Natasha threw in. Bucky nodded next to her.

"You've been speaking up for and defending mutants to the Senate too. I don't it should be a problem. They've seen stranger than a pregnant man and they have doctors and scientists there who might be able to understand mutations of this kind better than our people can." Maria said.

"So we go there and the lay low until the baby is born and then what?" Sam asked.

"One hurdle at a time. I can arrange to them accommodate you as soon as you give the okay." Steve looked up at Sam and could see the wheels practically turning in his head as he went through pros and cons.

"Do you mind giving us a minute, guys?" Steve asked. The others in the room wordlessly filed out of the living area and into the kitchen to give the couple some privacy. Steve got up, stood in front of Sam, grabbed his hand in his own and began stroking the back of it with his thumb.

"What are you thinking?" Steve asked.

"Whether or not we should take the chance of trusting Charles' students and people not to leak something or if we should chance you being subpoenaed or attacked or found out or stressed out here."

"You think they'd turn me over to the government? To gain what?"

"I don't know. Immunity or something. I just don't want anything to happen to you, Steve."

"Natasha trusts the Professor so does Bucky. Maria and Phil seem to trust him too. I've met him once along with two of his X-men, Dr. Grey and Dr. Munroe, in a Senate meeting about the registration acts. They seemed like good people. Dr. Grey knew a lot about genetics and mutations, she could probably help a lot."

"You want to go." Sam pointed out.

"I want to give her her best chance and maybe the tower isn't the place for that. At least not until after she's born and we have our story down." Steve replied. Steve had failed their son, no matter what Sam said he had, he didn't want to fail their daughter too and if that meant going into hiding then that's what he was willing to do.

"Okay, if you want to go we'll go." Sam sighed and wrapped his arms around Steve's back pulling him into his embrace. Steve rested his head against his shoulder and returned the hug.

 _I won't fail again, I just won't._


	4. March One

_**In this the X-Men aren't dealing with too much life and death situations. They are still fighting against the Mutant Registration Act and they sometimes take down HYDRA when their paths cross but otherwise nothing too big and everyone's alive (because I said so.)**_

 **March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path. - Khalil Gibran**

 **PART IV: March On**

Sam looked over the packed bags on his and Steve's bed. Most were piled in the SUV already; there was really only two more to bring out. Sam sighed, he was still not sure about any of this but then again he was still a little in shock over the news of Steve's pregnancy despite it being four days since they found out, two since they spread their son's ashes. That was still another matter entirely, their son. Not to mention he still wasn't sure he wanted to trust Steve's safety to people he'd barely met and on top of that he had no idea how to explain this to his Mama or what she would say. Sam shook his head, none of this was helping Steve but moving temporarily to Xavier's school would at least take some of the stress from Steve and Sam too if he were being honest. He'd feel better if it weren't just him and Steve alone going away but despite Tony's suggestion that all the Avengers relocate to Westchester County, it would arouse suspicion and possibly bring trouble to Professor Xavier's door.

Sam grabbed his bags while trying not to worry about anything until he had greater reason to. He took the elevator downstairs and walked out to the indoor garage and was surprised to see more bags strapped to the hood and in the back than he or Steve would carry.

"Uh, what's going on?" He asked of Sasha, Bucky, Clint and Natasha who were loitering by the SUV.

"We're coming; we already called the school and made arrangements." Natasha said with no preamble.

"I thought you said you trusted Professor X." Sam answered, putting the bags down and crossing his arms.

"We do but we didn't say anything about the other occupants of Casa de Mutantes." Clint answered.

"Besides, the Professor may not always be the best judge of character. He was best friends with Magneto and according to Wanda and Pietros, their dad is kind of a dick." He continued.

"You and Steve are going there so you can both stay safe. We'll be there to protect you. Besides, do you really think I'm leaving my brother at a time like this?" Bucky said.

"Ditto. Besides Clint's an idiot, who knows what he'll do if I let him loose on those poor people." Sasha piped up. Clint nodded sagely beside her. Sam cracked a smile at that before shaking his head.

"Fine but you guys are telling Steve."

"Telling me what?" They heard behind them as Steve walked over to the car. Sam turned and watched him eye the extra bags and their new self-proclaimed travel companions before he sighed with a shake of his head.

"Just please make sure you respect all of Xavier's rules and don't eat all the food in his house, Clint."

"Me? You're the one eating for two. And I wouldn't worry about this parenthood thing Cap; you already have your 'scolding mom' voice down to a tee." Clint replied. Steve glared at him slightly before walking closer to Sam.

"Are you okay with this?" He asked as he stood close to him to give them some sense of privacy.

"Don't know why I expected anything different honestly."

"Seriously, I'll tell them to stay back if you want." Sam knew Steve would tell them they couldn't come if that's what he wanted but he could see Steve side-eying Bucky with more longing than he knew he was showing and he would feel better if Sasha was with him and more secure with Nat and Clint there. Of course with Clint being there it would mean they would have to put up with him being... him but Sam would still appreciate the company and he knew Steve would too.

"Apparently Nat called ahead to warn the Professor that he just invited a circus into his home so stop worrying about me when I'm perfectly fine. It'll be... well not fun but an adventure for sure. You know me, I love a good adventure. That is if you can keep up?" Steve smirked at him.

"With you? Even pregnant I can run laps around you, honey. Maybe she'll take after me in that regard." Sam groaned playfully.

"God forbid her first words be 'on your left.'"

"Nah, I'll still be on your left. She'll be on your right." Steve leaned in and kissed Sam's cheek before making his way over to Bucky. Sam watched Steve playfully bump his hip against Bucky's who retaliated by grabbed him in a headlock and giving him a noogie. He felt a bit of a leap in his chest but he tamped it down, he knew Bucky was being gentle with Steve and would never be anything else with him after what happened on the bridge and the helicarriers if he could help it. Steve's words rung in his head,

'I'll still be on your left. She'll be on your right.'

Sam was starting to think he wouldn't mind that.

After dealing with Tony's tantrum about not being allowed to go (which was partly based off the fact that he still didn't like thinking the word 'no' applied to him in any measure beyond when Pepper laid down the law) and after 3 hours of driving with rest stops for Steve to go to the bathroom ("It's a part of pregnancy." Sasha had told him after the third stop.

"It wasn't a problem before."

"When they did the surgery they might have moved the baby so she's pressing on your bladder more."

"Great.")

The group finally found themselves pulling up to the back gates of Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. The mansion looked just like it did on the pamphlet. The place was well kept and just had an inviting air about it, never mind all the kids running around (or flying or hopping). When they pulled up Sam could clearly see Professor Xavier, who he recognized from video coverages of the senate meetings, sitting in his wheelchair with two men flanking him. One of them wore red tinged glasses on his eyes and the other, dressed in a leather jacket with some wicked sideburns, was just putting out a cigar. Sam cut off the engine once they pulled up. He heard Steve take a deep breathe beside him before he opened his car door and stepped out. Everyone else took after him and exited the car. Steve took the lead walking the sixsome towards their new hosts with Sam not far behind him. The professor smiled when they were close enough and Sam could tell Steve was smiling back even without seeing his face.

"Professor, thanks again for letting us stay here. You really didn't have to." Steve said, holding out his hand to Professor X. The older man, (younger man? Sam was going to have to check into that) shook Steve's hand.

"It's no trouble, Captain. You've had no need to speak up for my people; you have your own worries as is. Thank you again for your help and support."

"There's no need for thanks, it's just the right thing to do." The two shared a smile between them and Sam was loath to interrupt their moment but cigar guy apparently wasn't.

"Look at you, Sergeant Barnes. You're looking almost sane these days." Sam looked over at Bucky and was surprised to see him grinning. Bucky smiled but to see him actually grinning was a rarity, maybe Steve and Sam weren't the only ones who would benefit from some time away from home and all the trouble and stress that it entailed.

"And you're looking almost sober, Logan." He replied.

"Our lives have taken tragic turns since we last saw each other, buddy."

"So, have you finally asked Storm out on that date?" Natasha asked. Logan began shifting a bit uncomfortably.

"Well..." Natasha and Bucky both looked over to the man with the glasses and the three shared a look at Logan's expense. Sam knew Natasha took Bucky to the Professor to get the triggers out of his head back before he decided he was ready to reunite with Steve but he was wondering just how long they stayed and how many times after that they'd seen the X-men if they were interacting with the two men with such familiarity.

 _Maybe this will turn out to be better than I thought._ Sam thought to himself.

"Perhaps introductions are in order?" The Professor prompted. Natasha took care of introductions on their end and Logan and Scott Summers formerly introduced themselves. Scott was courteous; Sam got that aura from him anyway, while Logan cracked a joke at Steve's expense.

"Guess I can add pregnant man to my list of crazy shit that just proves the worlds gotta be ending soon." He said with a shake of his head and a smirk.

"And you still wouldn't have gone on that date." Bucky retorted teasingly which prompted a hum of agreement from Natasha and a chuckle from Scott. Logan grumbled almost through the whole generalized tour of the mansion. They were directed to their rooms in the same corridor as the teachers' rooms, someone else brought up their bags and the three couples packed out their clothing and relaxed a little before meeting back up with the three men after an hour.

They followed the Professor to the elevators and took them to the basement floor before walking out to a long, sleek, metal themed corridor.

"Storm and Jean are in the lab. They wish to run some tests. They feel the sooner the better." Steve shrugged like he didn't mind but Sam could see the bit of anxiety in his shoulders.

"Of course, Captain. They'll take no more than you permit." The Professor said.

"Thanks." Steve replied with a little smile.

 _Did I miss something?_ Sam wondered before remembering that the Professor could read minds.

 _Does that get as awkward as I think it does?_ He thought towards him directly.

"It can Mr. Wilson, but thankfully I've trained myself to block out certain thoughts automatically." He replied.

"You mean sex thoughts?" Clint asked in an unnecessarily loud voice.

"Clint... I swear I will." Sasha said. Sam wasn't sure what she was implying and he didn't want to know though Xavier did smirk so he must know what Sasha threatened Clint with. They reached the lab just then and Scott held the door open for them all to enter. There were two women in the room which was set up like a hospital room. Sam recognized Dr. Grey-Summers as the one who was taller with long red hair that was a duller shade than Natasha's fiery mane. The other woman, who he assumed was Dr. Munroe, was on the shorter side with caramel toned skin and short white hair in a pixie cut with sky blue streaks. They both turned from their conversation and smiled as the group entered. Nat and Bucky immediately stepped forward and greeted the two women warmly with hugs and kisses to the cheek then they introduced themselves as well.

"Thanks for doing this Storm and Jean. I didn't expect either of you to take time out of your schedule for me." Steve said as he sat in the chair in the middle of the room that seemed smaller with 10 people in it.

"You don't have to thank us Steve. We aren't just going to have you stay here and fly through this pregnancy completely blind." Storm said as she hooked him up to a heart monitor.

"We can't say we'll have all the answers because this is a first for us but we may at least be able to give you some closure and make a plan of how to treat you and make sure that you and the baby are healthy throughout the rest of this pregnancy." Jean said reassuringly while turning on a machine as Storm continued hooking up wires to Steve's skin. They took blood samples and saved scans of his brain and vitals.

"Did you have an ultrasound before?" Storm asked.

"I was hooked up to a fetal heart monitor when I woke up after…" Steve trailed off then. Sam reached forward and grabbed his hand.

"Anyway the fetal heart monitor was also a 3D ultrasound so..."

"3D ultrasounds, weird things aren't they? Makes your baby look like something out of sci-fi movie. Not the most comforting things to stare at, right?" Jean stage whispered to Steve. Steve looked at her with a bit of surprise before giving her a small smile at her understanding. Sam figured Jean probably knew from experience since she and Scott had a son together.

"How about a real ultrasound, the way they're meant to be?" Steve looked up at Sam but Sam just smiled at him in a way that he hoped told him he was leaving that decision up to Steve. He hadn't known that he felt uncomfortable with the 3D ultrasound though he knew he wasn't really comfortable with being pregnant at all so he wanted as much of this to be under Steve's control as he could get it to be.

"Yeah, yeah I'd like that." Steve said. Storm patted Steve on the shoulder while Jean pulled over another machine and applied something to the wand. Storm walked closer to Steve and kept a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You don't mind, do you?" She asked indicating towards his shirt. Steve pulled his shirt up and pushed his pants down lower on his hips.

"It's going to be cold." Jean warned. Steve indeed did jump a little when the wand was placed on his abdomen and after Jean moved the wand around she seemed to find what she was looking for.

"There we go." She pressed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine while she and Storm scrutinized the screen.

"Well… it's definitely a girl. Looks about five months along, healthy and normal from what I can see." She flipped a switch and a _thump thump thump_ filled the room.

"Is that…?" Bucky asked.

"Her heartbeat. It's strong, that's good. We'll go over our blood tests and scans but right now it looks like she's doing very well." Storm answered.

"I won't tell you don't worry while we wait because I know from experience you will but do your best to relax, that's the whole point of you staying here anyway." Jean told him as she pressed a button. Storm walked over to a printer and pulled some photo paper out of it. She handed one to both Steve and Sam and then gave one to Sasha and the last one to Bucky. Sam looked down at ultrasound. He could definitively see her head and her little body. It was real before but seeing her again made his chest swell with emotion. Steve squeezed his hand tighter and Sam reciprocated the touch. There was that feeling of contentment welling up in him. He felt anticipation as well and fear at what would happen when their daughter did finally arrive in four months.

 _ **Four months?**_ That really wasn't a very long time from now and there was so much to do, so much to get done, so much to consider. Would he and Steve stay at Avengers Tower or would they get a house for their family themselves? Would they continue to actively be Captain America and The Falcon? Where would that fall within their lives with their daughter? Would she be normal or different due to Steve's genes? Would they ever tell anyone how she was conceived? What could they even say about her origins in public?

"Do you guys have any questions we can answer for you right now?" Storm asked.

 _I have so many and I have no idea who can answer them._ Sam thought, looking up. He felt eyes on him and when he looked over the Professor was smiling serenely at him.

 _You can handle this._ He heard a voice in his head say and he wasn't completely sure it was his own but it still made him feel calmer. He looked down at Steve and he was caressing the edges of their daughter's outline with his finger. He was still holding Sam's hand but his grip was more relaxed now, he seemed relaxed. Whatever problems or challenges that was to come they could face it as long as they were together, it was something Sam was going to have to remind himself of but it did make him feel better.

"I've got a few questions." Clint said in a tone that just spelled trouble.

"Clint…" Sasha started warningly.

"So from my experience aren't pregnant people supposed to be a little heavy in the stomach area? How exactly is Steve going to squeeze that puppy out? Will baby freebird be kicking ass with super strength? And what about Bucky?" Clint listed off.

"What about me?" Bucky asked with confusion.

"Well, Betty says the serum was what caused Steve to be pregnant. Does that mean that you could pop a kid in your oven too?" Bucky's eyes widened comically enough for Sam to chuckle even though he probably shouldn't have. Steve hit his shoulder a little but there was no real intent behind it, besides everyone was chuckling a little.

"I don't exactly have the parts to knock him up but thanks for the concern, Hawk." Natasha said drily, then she seemed pleased.

"Still if we do decide to have kids James it's nice to know I've got options." Bucky looked over at her wide eyed and a little fearful as she looked him over with interest. Sam shook his head and turned to Jean as she began speaking.

"Every pregnancy is different and low weight gain and minimal stomach growth isn't as uncommon as you would think. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the baby, it just something that happens sometimes. As for the birth itself, Storm and I were talking and from what was sent to us there isn't a viable birth canal. That can happen in women as well. So the solution would be a cesarean section." Jean said.

"More surgery." Steve didn't sound very happy but understanding at the same time.

"We can talk more about that later on. We'll know more once we get our own tests results back." Sam nodded. He supposed that's all he could hope for.

Later that night Sam and Steve were in their room at the school. After they left the lab they were introduced to the student body en mass. He wasn't sure if they knew the truth but it seemed that they were at the very least knowledgeable that Steve had been helping to fight for their rights and they seemed excited to meet some of the Avengers. After the meet and greet Steve was exhausted so he went up to their new room to get some sleep, Sam joined him after an hour or two of exploring the grounds. He wasn't really sleeping, more dozing than anything else when Steve spoke.

"We need to tell your mom." That shook any lethargy right out of him. He turned over to look at Steve.

"I know." Sam answered.

"Do you want to tell her?" Steve asked. Sam could hear the insecurity in his voice, the doubt. He wasn't sure if it was doubt in himself or in Sam or in the situation itself but it made Sam smile reassuringly.

"My mom has been waiting for grandkids for about a decade now. Even if this isn't exactly the way she expected I don't think she'll have a problem with it. Besides, she adores you. There go those baby blues at it again." Steve smiled widely at Sam's words and the fact that he could pull Steve out of himself made him feel warm (and it had nothing to do with how hot Steve ran.)

"Thought you said I wasn't smooth." He pointed out.

"As sandpaper but that's part of your appeal." Sam replied before moving forward and kissing Steve. Steve pulled him closer to him by the waist, pressing their bodies flush against each other.

"You know this is what got us here in the first place, not that I'm complaining." Steve said as Sam began kissing his throat. Sam pulled away from Steve's neck and kissed his lips one more time before pulling away from him completely.

"I'm going to go call Mama and tell her to get on video chat. I don't want to say it over the phone, don't know whose listening." Sam jumped out of bed and heard Steve move and turn on the lamp. He walked to the closet and pulled his cellphone out of his jacket pocket. When he turned back Steve was starting to lean over the mattress to pull Sam's laptop case from under the bed. Sam felt himself jumping forward before he even knew it. He pushed Steve back upright and grabbed his laptop from under the bed himself. When he stood up Steve was glaring at him disapprovingly. It wasn't a look he got a lot but it wasn't something he liked to be on the receiving end of.

"We have another four months to go before she is born and I am not going to put up with you coddling me or not letting me do things myself." Steve had the expression on his face, the one he got when he would not be moved on an issue. Steve's independence was something that he didn't want to ever be taken from him in any way and Sam understood that but he also knew that sometimes Steve didn't value himself. He didn't think he'd ever put their child in harm's way and their son's death was in no way his fault but he instinctually wanted to make sure Steve was okay. He didn't want him to do anything and it end up hurting him or her at all, he couldn't deal with losing either of them. Steve seemed to see the jumble of emotions and he softened a bit at the edges but not in his resolve. He reached out and grabbed Sam's hand.

"I know you want to protect me, protect us, and I know I probably don't have a lot of your trust right now because I didn't tell you the truth-"

"Steve, that's not—"

"I should've told you the truth from the beginning but I'm not going to do anything that's going to put her in danger. This may be strange and it all feels completely out of body but I do want this. Is that… strange? To want this?" Sam leaned down and kissed Steve.

"It's not strange, I want this too. I'm glad I get to have it, to have her with you and only you and… I will do my best not to take away your independence or make it seem like you can't do things for yourself."

"I guess that's the best I can ask for." Sam sat down next to Steve as he opened the laptop and after a quick phone conversation with his mother, they were staring at her smiling face.

"What's with the mysterious summons? Though I have no complaints, four months is much too long to go without seeing your faces." Sam smiled and he could feel Steve relaxing more beside him.

"Does there have to be a reason to want to see your gorgeous face, Mama?" Sam said. His mom gave him the look and he immediately felt like he was 15 years old again and had been caught with a group of boys breaking into the old abandoned house to drink alcohol together. Steve seemed to know that and chuckled while patting Sam's shoulder.

"We really do miss you Darlene. It's been way too long." Steve said.

"Yes it has but are you deny this isn't a social call?"

"Well, there's something we need to tell you. We wanted to do it face to face... in a manner of speaking." Steve and Sam looked at each other and collectively took a deep breathe but before either could say anything Darlene began squealing.

"Oooh, please tell me what I think you're going to tell me."

"Depends what you think we're going to tell you." Sam said carefully.

"Did one of you finally get your act together and propose?" She asked. It wasn't an invalid assumption. They'd been together for four years, things were at as much of an equilibrium in their lives as they were going to get at the moment and Sam had even discussed their plans for the future with her so them getting married was no stretch of the imagination and begged the question whether or not they would get married before or after the baby was born.

"Actually that's not it exactly. Look Mama, there's no way to say this and not sound crazy but Steve's pregnant." Darlene stared at them like they'd grown two heads (not wholly impossible at this point) then looked completely confused.

"Did I miss something?" She asked, looking like she was going over every conversation they ever had in her head.

"No. I am a man but the serum I got gave me more to work with than I bargained for." Steve said nervously.

"I'll say. So nine months from now-"

"Four months, I'm already five months along."

"Samuel David Wilson and Steven Grant Rogers you better not mean you waited five months to tell me I'm going to be a grandmother."

"No Mama, we just found out not even a week ago." Darlene suddenly started smiling widely and laughing.

"A baby..."

"You're not mad?" Steve said with confusion. Darlene looked confused too.

"Why on earth would I be mad? God gave you one of the greatest gifts you could ever receive. I'm just happy you get to experience this, I'm glad you'll get to hold your baby one day. When you hold that bundle of blankets in your arms and you see yourself in that little face the whole world's going shift and no one will ever be able to take that feeling away from you." Steve and Sam both smiled. Sam would admit to being nervous over his mother's reaction but she took it a lot better than he thought she would.

"So, boy or girl?" She asked excitedly.

"Girl. There was a boy too but..."

"Oh. Oh baby I'm sorry. I know what that's like. Sasha had a twin but I miscarried her at four months. Now don't you blame yourself, Steven. Sometimes things happen and there's nothing we can do about it. You never forget but don't dwell on what could've been and forget what you do have." Steve nodded at his Darlene's advice and Sam was glad that he seemed more willing to listen to her when she said it wasn't his fault.

"There's so much to do! Shopping, gotta set up a nursery, ooh a baby shower. When's the wedding? You are getting married, right?"

"We hadn't talked about it yet, Mama."

"Well, there's no reason not to." She was right but Sam wanted to do it right and he didn't want Steve to feel obligated to say yes just because he was pregnant. Before either could say anything Sasha burst into the room without knocking.

"You know one day you'll see something you don't want to." Sam commented.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." She said looking at Sam before sliding her gaze over to Steve.

"And nothing I wouldn't mind getting another look at." Sam could feel Steve grow hotter as he blushed.

"Girl, you better stop." Darlene said. Sasha ran over to the bed and plopped herself between he and Steve.

"Hi Mama! Or should I say grandma."

"Speaking of, when are you going to give me a grandchild?"

"Mama..." Sasha whined while Steve and Sam chuckled.

"Or at least a wedding."

"I thought you didn't like Clint."

"I never said that, you assumed that so you try to keep us from spending more than five minutes alone together. And you know what…" Sam tuned his mother's tirade against Sasha out as he began to think on her words. Should he propose to Steve? And if he did, would he even say yes?

 _Well, there's goes my good night's rest._

' _ **Now things are going to get a little difficult but remember to breathe. Everything's gon' be alright. Just breathe.'**_ He remembered from his dream of his Nana.

 _I'm trying but it's hard, it's really, really hard._

He had a feeling it would get harder before it got better.


	5. Energies

" _ **Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward." – Denis Waitley**_

 **PART V: Energies**

It'd been a month since Steve found out he was pregnant and he was finding that he was more comfortable with his situation than he thought he would be when he first found out. Jean and Storm had given him a clean bill of health and started him on prenatal vitamins, they had concluded that the serum was what was behind his being pregnant after all. He couldn't have her natural seeing as how he didn't have a birth canal and he wouldn't be able to breast feed because he didn't show any signs of lactation but he'd have a C-section and they had alternatives to breast feeding nowadays. Jean had already suggested some good formulas that she used for her son Nathan when he wasn't old enough for solid foods yet. They already set a date for the surgery and Darlene had already started sending things for them. Steve still thought of the son he lost and still felt guilt, especially when he was happy or smiling or planning the future he could have with Sam and their daughter. Darlene helped a lot then. Their shared experience with miscarriages served to strengthen their relationship. Living in the school could be hectic at times but it was a lot more tranquil than when he was at the tower worrying over the next Senate meeting or wondering what the next mission would be and regretting those he couldn't save. Everything seemed okay. Even Bucky was relaxed. The only thing that worried him now besides the aftermath of having their baby (which he was willing to not think too much about) was Sam.

He was keeping something from him and he knew it. Perhaps it was hypocritical of Steve to be put off about it seeing as how he kept a pretty big secret from Sam for months and Sam wasn't upset about it but he would blame it on hormones if he had to. Sam would go out sometimes for hours and come back with no excuse, he'd seen him having a lot of private conversations with Scott and he seemed almost nervous whenever Steve brought up his new friendship with the man. Sam wasn't the sort to deflect often but when Steve tried to bring up Sam's strange behavior he'd steer the conversation over to names for the baby which they were still struggling over. Steve would be swept up and only later on realize that Sam weaseled his way out of the conversation again. He'd let it go for the sake of staying calm but he wouldn't forget. It was one such instance where Sam was gone with no explanation that Steve found himself wandering down to the gardens so he wouldn't stress about what Sam could be doing. He didn't expect to see Jean there with Nathan. The woman's red hair blazed in the sun among the tulips and Nathan looked like he was taking quite the fascination in his mother's mane. Jean turned before Steve even decided to join them and greeted him with a smile.

"Steve! Come join us, a nice calming walk in the garden could be good for you." He didn't question Jean's knowledge of his new anxiety any more than he would if Natasha had pointed it out. He walked towards the redhead and fell into a leisure walk with her.

"So, how's pregnancy treating you?"

"Surprisingly, not that bad. Besides the excessive peeing, the hormones and the crazy cravings, I'm not doing too badly."

"Gotta say I'm kind of jealous. When I was six months pregnant I couldn't even see my toes, I had already gained 38 pounds, my breasts were perpetually sore, I had Scott running out to get me some disgusting combination of food about every 30 minutes and this little one had a field day playing soccer in my stomach. You are the envy of women everywhere." Steve chuckled a little but conceded that besides the miscarriage his pregnancy had been pretty easy. He'd only gained 15 pounds so far. His stomach was firm and there was a small but noticeable bump which Jean still wasn't worried over and had already determined he wouldn't have the telltale large protruding abdomen of pregnancy. Steve couldn't say he was particularly upset about it, it made his life easier. She didn't kick much which scared him sometimes but she made her presence known in cravings. His feet did get sore sometimes but Sam gave him a massage almost every night which Steve would hope every night would lead to more because this pregnancy was not kind to his libido at all (not that he'd admit it) but Sam never took it that far. He was probably afraid of hurting him or the baby.

"Don't worry about it so much." Steve looked over at Jean with confusion.

"Mind-reader, remember?" Steve could feel himself starting to blush all over causing Jean to chuckle.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Pregnancy increases sex-drive. You'd think Scott would want to take advantage of that but no. He treated me like I was fine china. It was ridiculously frustrating. One flawlessly executed seduction later and he started seeing things my way. Just tell him how you feel, or even better show him." Jean smiled widely at him and he had to smile back at her. She had been a huge help through this, it was nice having someone who had first hand knowledge of pregnancy. He felt like he could trust her so he decided to press further.

"It isn't just that." Steve ventured. Jean rose an eyebrow.

"You mean the secrecy and deflection?"

"You heard that too, huh?"

"That and we've all witnessed it firsthand. All I'm going to say about it is it's a surprise, a good one. Give him time, you'll know when he finally tells you what he's been hiding." Jean patted his shoulder comfortingly and he actually did feel more at ease about it. Suddenly, Nathan began reaching his hands out to Steve to take him and he instinctively stepped back. Jean started laughing again, this time at his reaction.

"He's not a lion, he's a baby and in case you forgot you're going to be having one of those soon."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"Babies aren't as fragile as you think."

"Nathan's one year old, she'll be a lot smaller."

"I know you've faced worse than a one year old. I'm trusting you with my kid here, I'm telling you you won't break him. Besides you need practice holding babies." Steve finally acquiesced and let Jean position his hands correctly so he could hold Nathan. The little boy instantly cuddled into Steve's warmer body, yawned and shut his eyes. Steve looked to Jean to see if he'd done something wrong.

"He's due for a nap. I came out here hoping the garden would keep him calm enough. You're doing good." Steve smiled at the compliment. He'd never been good with babies but maybe it was just different when you were about to have one, maybe some dormant instinct just kicked in. Maybe all you really could do was your best.

"Now you're getting it, Captain."

Steve was sleeping, dreaming, and he knew he was because he was in Brooklyn circa 1930s but he still had the serum body (the body he still couldn't fully comfortably claim as his own). He looked around him wondering why he was there and froze when he saw a familiar figure standing on his old porch.

"I always thought you'd be special Stevie. Guess I underestimated how much, huh?"

"M-Mom?" He stuttered out. She looked right in a way he was never able to capture in his sketches, he always would mess up on one feature or other but here she was in perfect clarity. Same blonde hair as his just showing a touch of gray, eyes a shade lighter than his and holding her arms out to him. He didn't hesitate to run to her and hug her tightly, picking her up in the process.

"Whoa there, Stevie. You're a bit stronger than you used to be and taller than I anticipated, yeesh." Steve laughed a little and put his mother down.

"How...? Is this real?"

"As real as it can be. You didn't think I wasn't going to come see you, I'm finally about to have a grandchild. Granted I didn't expect you to be pregnant but then I never figured you'd be any taller than 5 feet either." Steve looked down a little bashfully.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, especially not about her and don't worry about your son. He's just fine." Steve looked at his mother wide eyed.

"He's with you?"

"Of course he is. He's with Winona right now, she sends her love by the way to you and Jimmy." Steve smiled even though he felt tears welling up. He was happy to know his mother and Bucky's were together and his son was with them.

"Speaking of Jimmy you give him a couple messages from his Mama, will you? She'll kill me if I don't tell ya. Tell him she's happy he reconnected with Becca, she likes that Natasha a lot better than the girls he used to bring home. Ah… ooh tell him, and this one is from me, I know he probably won't but he needs a haircut or at least a trim. Lastly, and this one's important, she's so proud of him and so am I. We never doubted that he could break HYDRA's hold for a second and we love him so much. Never once did we stop." Steve smiled. He didn't know how Bucky would take the messages but he'd pass them along.

"As for you, I couldn't be happier for you darling. Sam is certainly easy on the eyes." Steve blushed.

"Mom!"

"He is. She's going to be one good looking baby. Don't fret so much, she'll be fine and Sam isn't going anywhere so don't stress yourself out. Just be happy, that's all I ever wanted for you. I love you with all my heart, Stevie." She stroked his cheek gently like she used to before pulling him into another hug and it was bittersweet because he was more than likely never going to feel this feeling again and he missed it more than he usually allowed himself to think about anymore.

"Mom, I love you too." He hugged her as tight as he could without hurting her. He didn't want to let this go, he didn't want to let her go but he could feel his dream world slipping from him as consciousness bled in more and more. He reluctantly snapped his eyes opened and took in his and Sam's bedroom which was unexpectedly lightly illuminated by the lamp on Sam's side of the bed. He rolled his head to the side where he could see Sam standing in front of the closet trying to stuff something into the clothes that were folded on the top shelf installed on the wall.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, causing Sam to jump and drop whatever he was fiddling with. He scrambled on his hands and knees to try to grab it but it went under the bed before he could. Steve sat up and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He looked up at him sheepishly.

"Hey, I was trying not to wake you."

"Clearly." He replied dryly.

"Any chance you're going to just forget you saw anything and go back to sleep?"

"Are pigs flying?"

"Well, Tony does love to point out..." Steve gave him a withering look that clearly got across that he was not in the mood.

"What has been going on Sam? You've been acting strange the last month and don't bother denying it because everyone's noticed." Sam looked like he was struggling to find an answer and not in the way he was when Steve woke up after the miscarriage, he looked like he was trying to find a way not to lie but not tell the truth either. Steve heaved a sigh.

"Look, I know you said you wanted to do this with me. I know you said you were happy but if you don't want this I need you to tell me now, Sam."

"Stevie, that is so far from the truth."

"Really? Because whenever I ask you about what's going on you deflect and evade which isn't like you. You go out with little to no explanation as to where you've been which I wouldn't normally mind but seeing as how we came here for protection it only makes me worry. You haven't touched me beyond kissing in months, Sam. So if you don't want this, if you don't want _me_ just say it and get it over with." Steve felt more than heard his voice crack and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

 _Damn hormones,_ he thought angrily while forcing the tears not to fall. It was Sam's turn to sigh.

"Honestly Steve, you got it all wrong and maybe- no, it's definitely my fault. I really didn't want to do this now but c'est la vie." Steve's stomach twisted in pained anticipation at Sam's next words. That anticipation turned to confusion as he watched Sam wordlessly start digging under the bed for whatever slipped under it. Finally he came up with a look of satisfaction on his face that sent liquid heat to Steve's groin.

 _Honestly, hormones? Priorities please._

"I had a whole plan, you know? Scott, Natasha and I had it all worked out, I even got Bucky and Peggy's approval but _**someone**_ just had to be impatient."

"Sam, what are you tal..." Steve trailed off as Sam revealed a small velvet box in his hand. He flipped it open showing off a simple yet pristine gold ring with a gold diamond-shaped pattern going around it. Steve stared at the ring before looking up at Sam who wore a big smile on his face.

"Before you say anything I'm not just doing this for the baby even though she is what's finally kicked my ass into gear. I'm doing this because I love you so much Steve, you have no idea. I'm doing this because I want to be with you forever and I want everyone else to know that too, I'm not ashamed of it." Steve could feel the tears that he pushed down welling up full force and he couldn't blame the hormones this time.

"You don't want to leave?" He asked with more vulnerability than he was usually comfortable showing but it was Sam so he didn't hide it.

"Would I be on one knee in front of you if I did?"

"But- I mean I wouldn't blame you. I'm-"

"My best friend? The love of my life? My wingman? So many things to me I can barely think of all of them?" Sam replied. Steve gave him a watery smile as a tear slid free of the confines of his eye.

"So what do you say, partner? Wanna be my _partner_?" Steve chuckled while wiping away some of the other stray tears that fell down his cheeks.

"Will you marry me?" Sam asked in a softer voice. Steve looked down at him and into his eyes and they were so damn sincere. There was really only one answer he was going to give.

"Yes." He barely got out before Sam surged up and kissed him. The kiss was salty from the tears still falling from his eyes but Sam didn't seem to mind. He briefly broke the kiss to take the ring out of the box and pushed it on to Steve's left ring finger.

"Now I'm on your left." Steve smiled widely at him before pulling him into another kiss. He could feel Sam's hands grip on to his hair and tug a bit and suddenly his hormones decided they had enough crying and would much rather they get more horizontal. Steve tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss and Sam reciprocated in kind. Steve pulled Sam down half on top of him as he laid back on the bed. He made sure he wasn't on his stomach but they were still chest to chest. Steve sucked Sam's bottom lip lightly and he could feel Sam grip onto his bicep while Steve moved his efforts downward and started nipping at his throat.

"Steve..." He broke off in a breathy moan as Steve sucked a hickie into his skin.

"Steve, we have to stop."

"No we don't." Steve answered, his attention still on Sam's throat.

"The baby. I don't want to hurt her."

"Jean said it was fine." Sam tried to pull away from him fully but Steve grabbed his face so they were nose-to-nose.

"This is not going to break me. If I thought it would hurt her do you think I would want to do it?"

"... no." Sam answered with a sigh.

"I'm supposed to avoid stress. Sex is definitely not stressful. In fact I'd say it's quite the reliever." Sam chuckled a little at Steve's choice of words.

"I just want you to be okay."

"Are you gonna go through our whole marriage withholding sex from the both of us?" Sam didn't look like the idea appealed to him much.

"Sam, touch me." Steve said softly putting command in his voice as well as letting his true desperation and desire show. Sam shook his head before his hands framed Steve's face and he pulled him into another kiss. Steve felt Sam swipe his tongue on his bottom lip and he opened his mouth so their tongues could meet. He slipped his hands down Sam's stomach towards his hips and pulled him closer so their groins were pressed together. Steve sighed at the contact, having sorely missed it. Sam didn't pull away, instead he grinded his hips down so their penises rubbed against each other beneath their clothing. With that one move Steve knew he'd finally get what he wanted from him.

Sam pulled away from his lips and began blazing his trail down Steve's throat nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin there. Hickies wouldn't take on him like the ones he left on Sam but he still appreciated the effort and showed his appreciation by rutting their hips together more firmly, though he was ever mindful of the baby and apparently so was Sam because he never put any weight on his stomach even as he grinded himself against Steve as well. Steve pulled away from Sam a bit and pulled off his shirt with Sam following suit. He reattached his lips to Steve's neck while his fingers began playing with one of Steve's nipples, pinching it and pulling it and rolling it between his fingertips. Steve moaned at his movements and reached his hand up to trail over Sam's ribs teasingly before he reached down and cupped Sam through his pants. Sam felt hard through the fabric, Steve was sure he was as well and that much was confirmed when Steve felt Sam begin palming his bulge through his pajama pants. His hand tightened on Sam's bicep as he squeezed Steve's dick and he reciprocated by running his fingers along his length. He was fairly certain a whine left his mouth as Sam let him go and pulled away from him.

"How should we do this?" Sam asked. Steve thought for a second.

"Take off your pants, I have an idea." Steve took off his own pants as well and turned himself in the opposite direction instructing Sam to lie on his side in the direction he was already in. Steve laid on his side as well so they both facing each other mouth-to-penis. Steve was the one who moved forward first, licking Sam's hard length with long heavy drags of his tongue. He sucked lightly on the head of his penis before going back to his licks. Sam groaned and grumbled something before he began licking at the underside of Steve's dick. He placed some openmouthed kisses along the length of him before abruptly sinking his mouth on him and then slowly and very deliberately pulling off.

"So that's how it is?" Steve asked breathlessly.

"That's how it is."

"Two can play that." That's how it turned into a competition. Steve moaned around Sam's penis making the vibrations give him shivers. In retaliation Sam began kneading Steve's balls. He bobbed his head sucking hard just like how he knew Sam like it and Sam started rubbing one spit moistened finger over Steve's perineum, knowing that drove him absolutely crazy. In the end he and his hormones couldn't withstand Sam's assault but once he had come down enough he moved and shimmed until he and Sam were facing the same direction but Steve's face was still acquainted with his groin area. He pushed Sam onto his back and hitched one leg over his shoulder. He sucked one of his fingers wet before slowly pushing it into Sam. He was so tight, damn it'd been a while. Sam moaned exceptionally loud at Steve's finger wiggling and caressing his insides. He found his prostate easy enough and began stroking it which made Sam begin letting off a litany of curses that tapered off into an agonized moan as Steve took his length back into his mouth. He didn't ease into it, he started fast and sucked hard with the knowledge that he was probably running even hotter than normal from his orgasm and that Sam was reaping the benefits. Sam's fingers threaded into his hair, not pushing or controlling Steve's movements it was more just him hanging on for the ride.

"Steve, goddammit, baby please just don't stop." Steve moaned again around Sam's cock this time as a result of just how gorgeous Sam sounded like that: all desperate and pent up and in need of a release. He sucks improbably, impossibly harder and applies just the right amount of pressure on his prostate.

"Steve, Steve." Sam says it with warning in his voice but Steve plows through sucking and bobbing his head throughout Sam's orgasm to prolong it for him. He doesn't usually swallow but pregnancy gives way to strange changes. Steve's never going to tell anyone this change though. Sam's still twitching and having muscle spasms from the intense orgasm when Steve pulls off his softening dick, crawls to Sam's bedside lamp and flicks it off before carefully flopping down next to him on his side. Sam's breathes heavily next to him for another minute before curling himself up to Steve's side.

"Better?" Steve asked. He could feel Sam nod against his shoulder.

"Better." He replied, his voice sounding lethargic. Steve sighed and turned a bit so Sam was further in his arms, he could feel when he dozed off. He decided to get a little rest himself. He brought the finger with the ring up to his mouth and kissed it. Yeah, he wasn't going to worry for a little while.

Steve found himself awake early the next morning with his bladder weeping for relief so he detached himself from Sam, rolled out of bed, pulled on his pants and made a beeline for the bathroom. Once he was done he didn't feel particularly tired so he brushed his teeth, dragged on a T-shirt and then wandered down to the kitchen. When he got there Bucky and Logan were in the room, Bucky drinking a glass of orange juice and Logan drinking a beer and smoking a cigar.

"Isn't it a little early?" Steve asked addressing both Logan's beer and Bucky's presence, it was barely 7 and Bucky usually slept much later unless he'd had a nightmare.

"It's never too early." Logan answered and Bucky just shrugged without looking at him. Steve just lifted an eyebrow and then coughed a little, more for effect really, as the smoke from the cigar tickled his throat.

"Hey bub, watch it!" Logan said in protest as Bucky grabbed the cigar out of his mouth and put it out in his metal hand. Steve winced a bit even though Bucky couldn't feel anything with the arm.

"Not around Stevie." Bucky said as he got up and opened the window wide to air out the kitchen.

"Your little situation is a horrible inconvenience for me, Cap." Logan grumbled.

"My bad." Steve replied dryly. Bucky sat back down, reached over and snatched Logan's beer from him, taking a swig. Logan exhaled slowly from his nose.

"You're cruisin' for a beat down Barnes."

"This isn't helping you get a date with Storm." Bucky retorted taking another gulp of beer. Logan went a little red around the cheeks causing Steve to chuckle, watching them skirt around each other had been another highlight of the past month for him.

"Oh please, Barnes because you're better off." As if by magic Natasha materialized into the room a little sweaty like she was coming from a run. She patted Steve on the shoulder as she passed him to get to the fruit bowl where she grabbed an apple. She wordlessly flicked Logan's ear causing him to start muttering to himself before continuing over to Bucky's chair. He tilted his head back as she stopped behind him, leaned over and kissed him on his lips and then his nose and then his forehead before continuing on her way out, lifting the beer from his hand in the process. Steve was a little surprised. Natasha wasn't prone to PDA at all. She only usually let herself show affection to Bucky in public when he had a nightmare which only made Steve more suspicious. Bucky watched her go before turning to Logan with a smirk that was equal parts shit-eating grin and lovesick dopey smile.

"Yeah, I'm a lot better off than you."

"Hey Tasha, that's my beer." Logan called getting up to go after her.

"Is beer really worth your life?" Steve asked sitting next to Bucky.

"I'm not afraid of Natasha." Logan scoffed.

"There's your first mistake." Steve watched Logan saunter out of the room and a few seconds later there was a crash and a pained groan that was decidedly male.

"Get Ororo to kiss it better." He heard Nat say. He chuckled before looking over at Bucky who was staring at him with a scrutinizing look on his face.

"What?"

"Well you got laid." He said casually, lifting up his orange juice for a sip. Steve blushed scarlet.

"Buck!"

"You did, it's practically flashing above your head like a gaudy neon sign."

Bucky's metal hand flashed out in a silver blur and grabbed Steve's left hand briefly before letting go and very lightly knocking Steve across the head.

"And apparently you've got no patience either."

"Thanks by the way for allowing me to freak out and saying nothing about it."

"Nat would've been pissed. I love her but she's scary when she's angry. I decided to not risk spending the next 70 years on her shit list." Steve smiled a little again.

"You plan to be with her in 70 years?"

"Of course I do."

"How horribly domestic of you."

"Says the guy who's six months pregnant and just got engaged." Bucky retorted.

"I never said domestic was a bad thing. Mom and Mama like her at least."

"You mean they would've liked her."

"No I mean they do like her." Bucky raised an eyebrow at him.

"I thought I was the crazy one. In case I'm horribly mistaken, Mom and Mama are dead."

"I had dream. Mom was there, she talked to me. She told me that she and Mama were taking care of my son, she told me that they both like Sam and Nat, that they would watch over this baby, that Mama's happy you reconnected with Becca and that they miss us and love us."

"It was a dream, Steve." Bucky replied blank faced but Steve could see the slightest bit of fear and panic in his eyes.

"We're both 95 year old biochemically enhanced super-soldiers. Your girlfriend is a 60 year old enhanced super-assassin but we all look 30 years old at most. We're living with people who have extraordinary abilities, I'm pretty sure I saw a kid levitate a car the other day. Hell two of our roommates are a hulk and a demigod. For god sakes, I'm pregnant. Reality was suspended a long time ago. Is Mom visiting me in a dream really that farfetched?" Steve asked. Bucky looked away from him and got up and walked towards the sink to wash out his glass. Steve softened a bit.

"Buck, they're proud of you. They never doubted you could break HYDRA's brainwashing for a second. Also Mom thinks you need a haircut." Bucky chuckled and it sounded wet to Steve's ears. He waited for Bucky to make the approach instead of pushing the issue himself. Bucky returned to his seat next to Steve but didn't look at him.

"I had a nightmare."

"I figured."

"I killed her. I killed your baby. I knew she was yours because she had your eyes. She was crying and no one else was there. I went to pick her up to try to soothe her and I snapped her neck instead."

"Bucky—"

"I'm dangerous Steve. I could hurt her. I don't want to but… you lost your son, I don't want you to lose your daughter because of me."

"It's just…" Steve trailed off and stopped himself from saying it was "just a dream" because he knew better than saying that.

"Bucky, you're not going to kill her. I trust you, I know you. Do you really think I would put her in danger if I thought you were dangerous to her?" Steve was distinctly aware that he'd said much the same thing to Sam last night.

"…no." Steve rested his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"You will be fine. You won't hurt her. I know you won't. I trust you, Sam trusts you, Natasha trusts you and Mom and Mama trust you. You'll be fine. We'll all be fine." Bucky looked at him and Steve ignored the red, wet eyes as he smiled a little at him.

"So a haircut?"

"Mmm, a trim at least but she said she understands why you won't do it." Steve kept looking at Bucky as he relaxed more and more. He suddenly looked down as the baby started kicking. He gently took Bucky's hand and placed it on his stomach. He looked a little startle at first before looking up at Steve with awe and surprise.

"I think she agrees that you're not a real danger to her." Bucky smiled a little and actually looked like he might start believing Steve's words.

"So you guys settle on a name yet?"

"Not yet."

"Well hurry up, Pepper's coming back in two weeks and she's throwing a baby shower. I'm pretty sure Tony's doing something big and wants a name for it."

"Baby shower? Sam and I don't need-"

"It's Pepper."

"I-yeah." Try as he might he knew it was going to happen no matter what he did and honestly that warmed his heart more than it made him uncomfortable.

When he goes back to his and Sam's room, greeting students as he passes, he's so absorbed in studying his engagement ring (I'm actually engaged, holy shit!) that he doesn't notice Sam's awake until he speaks.

"I can pick a hell of ring, right?" He looks up and he's wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a towel around his neck looking fresh off a shower so really the logical thing to do was kiss him senseless. By the time he pulled away he was looming over Sam who was laying on the bed underneath him.

"Okay new rule, feel free to knock me upside the head next time I try to pull away from you." Sam said placing a hand to Steve's cheek.

"Agreed." Sam pulled him down for another kiss which was interrupted by the baby kicking between them. They broke off again chuckling. Sam's hand reached down and pressed to Steve's stomach.

"She's been more active lately. Buck thinks she's itching to have a name." Steve commented.

"Hmm. What do you think, Denise? No, Trisha? Mercedes? Sarah?" The name suddenly brought his dream back and he told Sam about it without hesitation.

"So your mom thinks I'm hot?"

"Of course that's what you got out of all that." Steve muttered rolling his eyes, Sam kept talking as if Steve said nothing.

"I mean I don't blame her of course-" Sam trailed off laughing as Steve tickled his sides.

"Mercy, uncle, I tap out, I give." Steve stopped tickling him so he could catch his breathe.

"So you actually believe me then? Buck was more hesitant to think it was more than a dream."

"I never told you about that dream I had, did I? It was the night of the miscarriage and before JARVIS woke me up I had a dream about my Nana, well _with_ my Nana. First I thought it was a flashback dream because it seemed like the last Thanksgiving we had with Dad still alive but then Nana started talking about you. Full disclosure she doesn't think you're too bad looking yourself. She told me things were going to get hard but I should just remember to breathe. I'm pretty sure that dream got me through that night." Steve looked at Sam and he seemed at peace in the memory of that dream the same way he felt when he was with his mom.

"Your Nana's name was Elise right? Sarah-Elise?" Steve suggested.

"We already agreed that we wanted her middle name to be Margaret after Peggy so in the interest of her not hating us for giving her two first names how about a compromise? We could combine the names instead." Sam threw out.

"So Saralise Margaret Wilson-Rogers?" Steve tested before he looked down to his stomach and pressed a hand to it.

"What do you think? Saralise doing it for you?" He asked. The baby kicked in response causing them to chuckle again.

"Saralise, it is. I can barely wait to meet her."

"Me too. Baby blues?" Steve smiled in response.

"Baby blues." He leaned and kissed Sam. They still didn't have it all worked out. Getting married would present new challenges, they had no idea what to tell the general public about their baby's existence and apparently they were probably going to be contending with a more than likely over-the-top baby shower pretty soon but he didn't let himself worry. Everything would fit into place eventually.


	6. Good Lies

_**"I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive." - Tim Allen**_

 **PART VI: Good Lies**

"I name you and this how you repay me." Sam heard Steve grumbling as he passed him by with no acknowledgment from the kitchen to go to the bathroom. Another month into the pregnancy found Steve's bathroom breaks even more frequent as Saralise grew larger. He was getting more annoyed and surly these days with the mood swings and his stomach was larger now but he looked more four months along rather than seven. He was experiencing a lot more cravings as well, particularly for macaroni and cheese for some reason which Sam could see Steve had apparently been making a hulking pot of. The pot was so big you could cook a ham in the damn thing never mind it was 10 at night. Sam had gone looking for Steve when he woke up and noticed him gone but he figured he'd find him alone in the kitchen so he was a bit surprised when he walked further into the kitchen and saw there was six students sitting on the chairs surrounding the stove with clean bowls waiting to be filled. Sam recognized them as the students who didn't physically sleep at all. He always worried about that but Xavier said their mutation allowed for it and he trusted Professor X so he let it go.

"Hey kids, keeping my fiance in check?" He asked, ruffling the curly brown hair of a boy who he was sure he saw talking to an owl once and the owl seemed to understand.

"Yes, Sergeant Wilson." The kids chorused.

"Captain Rogers says he'll watch a movie with us after we eat." A small five year old wearing a hijab said radiating so much excitement that her skin began to literally turn red. It was a testament to how much shit he'd seen over the past decade that Sam didn't even freak out when she changed colors like a living mood ring.

"Will you watch with us, Sergeant Wilson?" A teenage boy asked, his lizard tongue slipping out briefly not unlike a snake.

"Eh, why not? Sasha has 'Brave' on DVD." He said walking to the fridge and grabbing the apple juice from the fridge as well as eight glasses from the cabinet and pouring some juice out for everyone including himself and Steve. He didn't dare touch the macaroni, Steve got really possessive about his food. Just as he finished pouring out the juice Steve returned and greeted him with a smile and a kiss.

"You staying?" He asked. Sam shrugged and picked up the girl in the hijab, who had returned to her usual brown skin tone, and placed her in his lap before sitting. Steve smiled again, guess he was less grumpy now that he'd (momentarily) relieved his bladder. He began dishing out the macaroni to the kids who gratefully accepted with a wide smile at Steve, Sam passed on the offer sticking to his juice. Steve sat between a boy whose eyes changed color every time he blinked and a preteen girl whose mutations Sam couldn't tell by looking at her. They all ate chatting comfortably. The kids asked them about their adventures as Avengers, about the baby, about what Steve's life growing up circa 1920s-1940s, they even asked questions about their school work. Sam looked at Steve and he seemed perfectly at ease talking to the kids. Steve was good around kids it was babies he was always awkward with but Sam saw him holding Nathan a few times and seemed to get more comfortable being around babies which was good because it'd be unfortunate if he couldn't hold their kid until she was two years old.

Once the kids finished eating and drinking Sam sent them and Steve out to the living room while he washed the dishes. Once he finished he went to the living room and smiled as he saw the kids had all piled around Steve on the large couch but left space for him. He slipped in next to Steve and cuddled into his side. The lizard tongued teen slipped under Sam's arm and cuddled into him while Steve started the movie. It struck him this was what he had to look forward to. He could see himself, Steve and Saralise cuddled up on their own couch enjoying a movie and their time as a family together and it was all he wanted, it was all he could think of. What Saralise would look like, who'd she look like and what finally having her in his arms would be like. But no, that wasn't entirely accurate. He also spent nights laying awake wondering what would happen after. Someone would undoubtedly notice a baby at Avengers tower eventually and depending on how she looked they'd put two and two together. From what discernable features her brother had they would eventually have a problem and if anyone found out Steve's genes were in her she'd be sought after by virtually ever government agency that existed. If people didn't believe Steve was her biological father perhaps she'd be safer. She'd still be sought after being the child of the Avengers (because honestly everyone was going to have a hand in raising her) but maybe she'd be safer if it wasn't widely known that she possessed supersoldier genes. He had thought about perhaps telling the public that they got a surrogate and used Sam's sperm, he had thought about running the idea by Steve. Of course they'd need to find a woman who looked enough like Steve and who would stay quiet about the truth but it was all very premature at this point. The fact remained that they needed a plan and needed it quickly.

Sam looked around the decorated party room of Avengers Tower with surprise. He was expecting Tony to go overboard with this baby/wedding shower. The man didn't know what toning down meant, a Stark trait as he understood it, so really the set up was a surprise. There wasn't any gaudy pink streamers or balloons proclaiming Saralise's gender, no giant sculptures or statues like he'd expected and thankfully the cake wasn't shaped like a baby (though according to Bruce it wasn't for lack of trying), the ballroom was decorated generally as if it could be the host of any event. The caked was three tiered and said 'congratulations' but not for what. There was around 70 guests including all the Avengers, some SHIELD agents along with Phil and the team, the X-men were there with a majority of the students attending as well as some of the workers of SI. The whole event reeked of a modesty Tony wasn't capable of so of course when Pepper came gliding into the room it all made much more sense in his head.

"Steve! Sam! It's so good to see you guys. It's been too long." She said making a beeline for them and pulling them into a hug.

"How was everything at Stark Industries overseas?" Sam asked once they pulled away.

"Nothing I couldn't fix."

"Don't I know it."

"I'm not here to talk business, I'm here to talk about the little one. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you guys." Pepper bestowed them both with a kiss to the cheek.

"You guys figure out a name yet?"

"After much debate and nearly inciting a civil war we settled on Saralise, after Steve'd mother and my grandmother."

"Saralise, that's such a beautiful name, unique."

"Weird Pep, that's the word you're looking for. It's weird." Tony commented while strutting over to stand next to the CEO who rolled her eyes.

"That actually wasn't what I was looking for but thanks Tony."

"Of course it was because it's a weird name, Pepper's just too nice to say so."

"Times like this make me wonder why the thought I missed you ever crossed my mind." Steve commented.

"Missed him or missed his shower?" Sam asked.

"Hmm, you're probably right." He replied ignoring Tony's indignant huff.

"At any rate Tony, when do you plan to propose?" Steve asked.

"Do what?" He asked as if he'd never heard the word before.

"You and Pepper have been together longer than me and Sam, you're practically married already. Why not make it official?" Sam looked over at Steve while Tony sputtered intelligible noises. He had a twinkle in his eye, he was messing with him on purpose.

"I don't know what- I mean I- who let Dum-E and Butterfingers serve wine?"

"You did." Pepper reminded.

"Why on earth would I do that? Better go fix that, bye." He said hastily before practically running away much to the trio's amusement.

"That's what he gets for making fun of my daughter's name." Steve commented before turning Sam.

"I am going to the bathroom then I'm going to look for some mac and cheese." Steve said before kissing Sam's cheek and sauntering off.

"He buys macaroni more than a kindergarten teacher." Sam joked before turning to Pepper she was laughing but there a glint in her eyes that said she wanted to talk to him but didn't want to do it there. He offered her his arm and let her lead him away from the ballroom.

"How are you really, Sam?"

"I'm alright Pepper. Anticipating when she's finally here."

"And not worrying about what comes after I'm sure." She said giving him a look that clearly said it was no use lying to her as they boarded the elevator.

"I mean of course I have but Steve doesn't need the stress, not after the miscarriage, so I haven't brought it up."

"I know about the ideas you've been throwing around. Professor X told me." Sam didn't even get upset about his thoughts apparently not being private anymore though he was a little annoyed and Pepper could see it.

"He wants you all safe just as much as we do, he thinks he owes Steve for speaking up for mutants. Of course Steve would disagree but that's how he feels. Coincidently, Charles and I had been discussing one of the plans that crossed your mind." She said before stepping off the elevator and leading him to the kitchen where Charles was along with a woman he'd never seen before.

"How's it hangin, Snap?" He was a little taken aback by this stranger calling him by his nickname and addressing him with such familiarity, he didn't recall ever meeting her.

"Your mask, dear." Xavier reminded.

"Oh right." Sam watched her press a on her earring and then pull a photostatic mask off her face.

"Sharon!" He exclaimed happily. She hugged him back tightly.

"Sorry, been undercover so long I forget I'm wearing the damn thing." It had been a year since he or Steve saw her. Despite she and Steve's previous dating history they were all friends. They fought together enough, side-by-side, through some rough times that no pointless pettiness could survive. He hadn't known she was undercover but he had thought a mission kept her away, it was nice to see her.

"Did you take time off your mission just to come here? You didn't have to, Sharon." He said as they pulled away.

"I just closed my mission actually and when Pepper called and told me the news I had to see you guys." She said with a smile, Sam smiled back before frowning.

"What does this have to do with our cover story? Are you helping coming up with whatever it is Pepper and the Professor have been cooking up?" The Professor rolled forward then.

"Actually that's what we wanted to talk to you about, Sergeant. One of your thoughts in particular got me thinking and Ms. Potts and I agreed it would be the best story to all our bases." Sam looked at them curiously.

"We want to tell the public that you and Steve got a surrogate and that you were the genetic donor. That way, in people's minds, Steve's genes and the serum aren't directly tied to Saralise's DNA. Of course we couldn't just get anybody for that, we need someone who looks enough like Steve and won't turn on us for any reason. I was talking it over with Sharon and-"

"And I volunteered to be your 'surrogate'."

"Sharon…"

"Look, it's perfect. I've been underground during this whole pregnancy, no one's seen me so they can't say I wasn't hidden away somewhere pregnant with Captain America and the Falcon's baby. You guys don't have to worry about paying me off and I'll be in her life anyway."

"What about Tripp? You have your own relationship to worry about."

"I already talked with Tripp about it and he thinks it's a good idea, he isn't against it at all. You and Steve are my friends, it's the least I can do for you guys." Sam sighed looking between the three of his friends.

"I haven't even talked to Steve yet."

"Then you should, talk to him about this and if he says yes Charles and I will take of the rest, you won't have to worry about anything." Pepper said with understanding. Sam smiled a little at her.

"Thank you. All of you, really for putting so much thought into this and trying to help protect Saralise." He said nodding before walking back towards the party. Yes, he had put some thought into that scenario but now that he was faced with it he didn't know how Steve would take it. Would they have to lie to Saralise to in order to protect her? Yes, Sharon did look vaguely like Steve – blonde hair and blue eyes—but would that even be enough to fool people? When he got upstairs he noticed the music was different, more classical than the dance party music that had been playing before. He noticed most people were residing on the dancefloor now. Steve was dancing (mostly swaying in a circle) with Jean, Natasha and Bucky were as criminally graceful as always as glided around the room outdancing everyone else with their simple waltz, Bruce and Betty were wrapped up in each other's arms swaying along, Sasha was dancing with Bobbi, and the two were obviously talking about Clint while the man in question complained about the fact that his ex-wife and current girlfriend were being civil with each other and not going 300 on the others' ass while he tried to unsuccessfully cut in and he could see Logan dancing with Storm. He wondered how he managed to make that happen. Every one of the people in this room were such a huge part of his life and they were going to be huge in Saralise's life as well. Was he about to ask all of them to lie to her too? Did the ends justify the means? He'd do anything to protect the ones he loved including lie. Really, at this point the decision was up to Steve.

"Thanks Sam." Scott said as the two of them finished loading up the students in the van to go back to the school.

"No problem man."

"You guys sure you wanna stay the weekend?" He asked. Despite what they intimidated to Tony, Steve and Sam had missed the other Avengers and had decided to stay the weekend at the tower.

"Yeah I'm sure. Steve's not showing that much. Besides Tony still has some baby/engagement gift to show us. I don't think I ever thanked you by the way." Scott had helped a lot when Sam was trying to figure out how to propose to Steve. He'd kept him calm and gave him the advice he'd needed.

'It feels like climbing Mount Everest now but you love each other, you're going to be a family and when he says yes it's going to feel like the best word you ever heard in your life. Trust me, it'll be fine.' He had said and it had kept Sam from bouncing off a wall.

"You don't have to thank me, Sam. I'm just happy for you." The men smiled at each other before Scott patted his shoulder and got in the front seat of the van. The passenger seat window rolled down before they pulled away.

"Until Monday, Sergeant Wilson. I do hope you discuss the matter with Captain Rogers as soon as possible." Professor Xavier said. Sam nodded before watching the group drive off. The second van passed by with Jean waving out the window and Sam watched until he couldn't see the vans anymore. He turned and walked back towards the house, the breeze blowing soothingly across his face. When he entered the house and went into the common room on the main floor all his housemates were there talking and joking amongst themselves, catching up.

"I seriously think Tony might be more excited for this baby than any of us." Pepper commented.

"My excitement is at a perfectly acceptable level."

"Tony you took paternity leave." Rhodey deadpanned. Steve rose his eyebrow at Tony.

"I had other things I needed to focus on. Speaking of, good of you to finally come back Wilson. Now I can finally flaunt my superior gift giving." Tony said standing with a smarmy look on his face.

"I'm not sure I want to know but at the risk of getting a head ache..." Sam said, trailing off as he attached himself to Steve's side. Tony motioned for them to follow and they did as Sasha looped her arm through his. They went up the escalator to Steve and Sam's floor and followed Tony towards a bedroom that they didn't use.

"Brace yourself for awesomeness, Plebians." He opened the door with a flourish and waved them inside. He and Steve went inside first and couldn't help but gasp a bit. The room had been turned into a fully equipped nursery. The floors were carpeted in royal purple. There was a crib that looked like it cost a thousand dollars against the wall with a name card reading 'Saralise' above it and a mobile with planets hung on it. There was a changing station already stocked with diapers, powders and wipes. There was two dressers and a closet all of them were open showing they were fully stocked with clothing. Sam spotted three different baby bags hanging off hooks next to the closet. Off to the far right was a playpen with a about ten stuff animals inside along with baby rattles and other toys. Suffice it to say Saralise would not want for anything.

"Tony, you didn't have to do all this." Steve said, Sam could hear the emotion in his voice and was pretty sure it wasn't hormones.

"'Course I did. Also these walls are this plain white for a reason. JARVIS, project the nightlight please."

"Certainly sir." Suddenly the lights went down and the walls and roof was scattered in real life stars. A ball of light flashed past the wall just next to Sam while he stared in awe. The planets soon appeared and the stars shifted a bit showing a condensed version of their galaxy.

"Nice isn't it. Jane helped me condense it so they all fit, even Pluto because it is a planet thank you very much." Sam grabbed Steve's hand and squeezed it. He had never dreamt of being able to provide this much to his child, he was sure Steve felt the same way. They're child would not be spoiled and unappreciative of the small things in life but it did quell the child inside of him who watched his mom struggle to pay bills before she fell in love with Sasha's father.

"The kitchen is stocked with baby formula and bottles so don't worry about that either. Also I brought you twenty boxes of macaroni and cheese so go crazy, Capsicle." The lights slowly turned back on while the space illusion faded. Sam saw Steve wiping at his eyes discretely but didn't mention it.

"Thank you, Tony." Steve said with a hint of a smirk. Tony hated being thanked for anything ever, it was a house rule. As Sam expected Tony immediately balked at his words.

"You said the words. The forbidden words, to me. You said- Pepper he said-"

"Tony say 'you're welcome'." She ordered.

"But Pepper, there are rules against this. No one is allowed to do the thing, and he did the thing." He whined.

"Tony..." Rhodey said giving him the look. Tony looked at Bruce for help but he stared at him with the same look Pepper and Rhodey had.

"Fine, fine. You're welcome. I'm going to eat you Mac and cheese for this." Tony said, crossed his arms across his chest and huffing like a kid.

"Not if you value your hands, you're not." Steve said sweetly. Sam kissed his cheek because he was so cute when he was making thinly veiled threats. Tony's present did cross off a lot of worry from Sam's list but there was still the matter of bringing up Sharon's proposition to Steve.

The next morning Sam sat with Steve in their kitchen in the Tower watching Steve's face carefully for signs about his reaction to Pepper, Xavier and Sharon's offer. He seemed contemplative, which meant he was considering this and was weighing the options.

"She volunteered herself?" He asked.

"Yeah, she's just coming off a deep cover op that's been running as long as you've been pregnant so people can't actually say where she's been."

"So she could've been off on some remote island pregnant with the Falcon and Captain America's baby - not mine biologically, so no serum. Knowing Pepper we'll come out about in an interview, probably a month after we're married so we can explain her existance and we'll minimize the suspicion and controversy if it seems like we've been married awhile. It's a smart plan. Could probably work." Steve said as calmly as if they were discussing a plan of attack and he supposed they were but he was a lot calmer about this than Sam expected. Even Steve without raging hormones would have usually been hesitant to consign to a cover story that invited lies they couldn't take back into their life. That's why he was a shit spy (or so Natasha, Bucky and Clint said).

"I'm surprised you're considering this with little to no convincing." Sam said, drinking a sip of tea (because whenever he drank coffee Steve glared daggers at him and looked at the cup longingly so he decided in the interest of comfort to drink strictly tea or orange juice as his morning beverage of choice until Saralise was born.) Steve looked over at him and looked like he was searching for words.

"I... know I've been critical of anything but the raw truth in the past but it's not just us we have to worry about it's her. After what happened to our son I'm not going to let anything hurt her even if we have to lie to the public about it. I can do it, it's for Saralise. Besides I'm glad it's Sharon, I wouldn't trust some SHIELD handpicked agent with this and Xavier and Pepper's on board so why not? It's better than any plan I've come up with." Sam looked at Steve with both equal parts surprise and understanding. They both shared the need to protect Saralise from any harm but he knew Steve' s hatred of lies. Steve must've noticed his skepticism because he chuckled before leaning over and kissing him.

"I mean it, it's fine. I'm fine with it Sam. Pepper and the Professor will handle everything else, right?" Sam nodded his head and Steve smiled at him.

"Then that's that. I'm relieved actually. I've been trying not to think of what comes after but it's hard." Sam nodded in understanding. He couldn't keep Steve's mind off stressful things 24/7, it was impossible because he was Steve but at least now they would both be able to put this particular worry to rest.

"Pepper and Charles will have to debrief the whole team and I'll need to tell my mom but I think it'll work." Steve nodded and squeezed his hand before scooping up some macaroni (because apparently it was no longer a food relegated to lunch and dinner) and eating contently.

"I wonder what Peggy will say." Steve commented but didn't seem like he was waiting for an answer. Instead of puzzling at his behavior Sam just thanked god that it was as easy as it was, hopefully it would be this easy when they did finally publically come out with whatever story they concocted. Sam brushed his thumb over Steve's engagement ring and took a deep breath in.

' _ **Everything's gon' be alright. Just breathe.'**_

 _That's slowly getting easier everyday Nana._


	7. Chapter One

_**"Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story no one on earth has ever read, which goes on forever, in which every chapter is better than the one before." - CS Lewis**_

 **PART VII: Chapter One**

Pregnancy, Steve found, in and of itself actually wasn't that scary. Sure he used the bathroom more than should be humanly possible and sure he cried at the drop of a hat but he also had a child, a person growing inside of him that was half him and half Sam and he'd take any amount of bathroom breaks for that. He was so looking forward to meeting his daughter. When he was young he dreamed of having kids but didn't think it a possibility with his laundry list of illnesses, of course getting pregnant himself wasn't ever something he thought was in the cards but he wouldn't trade this. Expect to have his son back too but he couldn't get stuck on that and miss out on what he did have, besides his mothers were taking care of him.

He was in his final month of pregnancy and his stomach was only now really protruding to the point of disruption. He had to sleep on his side with a pillow under his stomach to feel comfortable, he didn't like leaving his room because he didn't want to be stared at (granted most of the kids simply accepted him at this point, it was the new comers that stared), he felt huge but Sam just said he looked cute and Jean said she was twice as big so he counted his blessings. Clint had no trouble teasing him and there were no shortage of nicknames from him, so much so Steve wanted to chuck something at his head every time he opened his mouth to speak to him. However, Steve was mostly just looking forward to meeting his daughter. The surgery was only two weeks away. He could feel anticipation welling up in him and he felt like a child looking forward to Christmas and he was getting the best gift of all.

Sam was as attentive as ever. If he were honest, the closer they got to the surgery date the more Sam hovered around him and it half drove him mad and half warmed his heart. But as Steve was getting ready to go to bed, pregnancy exhausting him, he kind of wanted to thump Sam as he flitted around Steve fluffing pillows and sticking them behind his head and under his legs and under his stomach. Steve reached for his iPOD to play his sleep playlist (sleep was getting a little harder to get to lately), Sam's hands whipped out and did before he could. Steve switched his hands' direction towards his water bottle and prenatal pills but Sam picked those up and shook the pills out into his hands before holding them out for Steve.

"Oh, you're not going to put them in my mouth for me? Maybe bottle feed me the water too?" He asked sarcastically, annoyance clear in his voice. Sam looked at him a bit sheepishly.

"I was just-"

"Trying to help, I know. Could you please save the fussing for Saralise? When she gets here you can fuss to your heart's desire." Sam nodded and looked a bit like a chastised child. Steve sighed before wiggling his toes.

"Could use a foot rub if you don't mind." Sam smiled before going to the bathroom to retrieve the baby oil he bought some time ago. Steve shook his head as he watched Sam go. He loved that man but he could be so infuriating sometimes (in a completely adorable).

He came back and worked Steve's feet, massaging the bottom of his feet with strong hands. Steve was practically a puddle 15 minutes later and was lingering on the edge of sleep.

"We gotta tell Peggy." Steve mumbled.

"Yeah, we do. Before or after?"

"Hmm. After. I want to tell her in person. I just hope she isn't uncomfortable."

"Margaret 'Peggy' Carter? Uncomfortable?" Sam asked incredulously. Steve chuckled. His hero worship of Peggy rivaled Howard and Steve's combined honestly.

"It's just... there was a time where I was so sure this would be me and Peggy, you know. Fighting the good fight side by side, engaged, having kids together and then everything just... disappeared. I'm happy she moved on. I'm glad she fell in love with that Daniel fella and got married and had kids and kept trying to make the world a safer place. I'm glad I met you, that I could have this with you."

"But?"

"But a part of me will always wonder I guess."

"Nothing wrong with that. We will tell Peggy, we'll tell her together and she'll be happy and unbothered because she is infinitely smarter than us lesser beings." Steve chuckled and shook his head.

"Anyone would think you're the one who was with her."

"Only in my dreams and preteen fantasies unfortunately. Now get some sleep." Sam said before leaning over and kissing Steve's forehead. He was konked out barely a second later.

He was loath to wake up but something was happening something was...

Steve felt a prickling in his neck that immediately made him snap awake. His eyesight was blurry and he felt dizzy despite the fact he was laying down but something told him it wasn't natural. He tried to turn his head and he did so sluggishly. Sam wasn't in the bed but there was someone in the room. It was a woman with him, a blonde with a black catsuit on and some kind of metal helmet on. He felt something on his own head as well, heavy, it felt like metal. She was taking a needle out of her belt. He felt distressed, he couldn't move his body. The covers were covering his stomach but he didn't want to chance anything. He tried to move his body again but found he could move minutely better than a few seconds prior. His metabolism was usually slower but it was burning through whatever she gave him fairly fast.

"Don't bother thinking. We've made sure no one could hear. I just need a few samples captain from you and whatever that is in your stomach. Tumor maybe? Oh well, we'll figure it out." He tried to move his toes and thankfully they did move but he still had a minute before he felt he could do anything useful. He felt her stab a needle into his neck and start drawing blood from him. She took a few vials before she pulled back the covers but before she could place the needle into his stomach he kicked at her abdomen pushing her away from him. He stood up and fell immediately, the drugs making him unsteady. He scrambled up and started wobbling to the door. He opened his mouth to yell but nothing but a moan came out. He tried to take the helmet off as he stumbled but it wouldn't budge even with his strength. He felt her jump on his back and his knees wobbled but he didn't fall. He rammed himself back first into a wall, hoping the sound would alert someone and the action would dislodge her. It did and he turned to hopefully knock her out but as soon as he turned she kicked him in the stomach. He staggered back in shock.

She kicked me in... my baby!

He immediately turned and started for the door but something hit his leg and he fell, stunned. He tried to crawl but she kicked him in his head with something like steel toed boots, disorienting him. She turned him over and smiled maliciously down at him.

"Hmm, I wonder would happen if I did this." She kicked him in his stomach again. The wind was knocked out of him but that was nothing compared to the sheer panic he felt. She was hurting his baby. She was hurting Saralise. He tried to move his hands to shield his stomach but he wasn't strong enough. The woman kept kicking and she wouldn't stop and he couldn't scream. He heard someone shouting his name but the woman was still kicking and he couldn't stop her, he couldn't protect his own baby. Everything around him was starting to blur and go black and he briefly thought he might be dying and he forced his eyes open because he couldn't do that but when he did he was met with a completely different scene.

He was in his and Sam's bed at the school. He could hear Sam breathing behind him but otherwise the night was still and quiet. The clock next to him indicated it was only 3:15 am so he knew everyone that could sleep was sleeping. He sighed rubbing his face. That dream was new territory that he wasn't sure he wanted to explore. He looked over at Sam who was sleeping peacefully and kissed his cheek before slipping out of the bed. He stopped off at the bathroom before leaving the room to go to the common area. He figured he'd spend the rest of the night with the kids who didn't sleep anyway. He walked out to the common room, rubbing at his face but stopped when he saw Clint in the room with the kids playing 'mother, may I?'. He, Becca and Bucky used to play with their mothers all the time. He leaned against the doorjam and watched them asking Clint, who was playing the role of 'Mother', questions.

"Mother, may I take two bunny hops?"

"No but you may take five baby steps."

"He's fit right in, doesn't he." Natasha said, rather than questioned while shaking her head fondly at her partner.

"Yeah." He agreed regardless. She tapped his arm and motioned for him to follow her. He walked behind her into the kitchen and watched her grab a mug and a tea bag from the cabinet.

"So, bad dream huh?" She said, pouring hot water into the mug and topping it off with milk and cinnamon like he liked before placing the tea before him. He didn't ask how she knew. She was kind of an expert in nightmares.

"Yeah. It was... yeah." She rose an eyebrow wordlessly and he sighed before telling her about the dream.

"Do you think it... means something?"

"You thinking it's prophetic?" She asked.

"I mean, it's possible right?"

"Anything's possible nowadays but I don't think that's what it was. I think it was more about your fears and anxiety. You want to protect her, you don't know if you'll be able to. You're afraid of failing it's logical after everything that's happened but that kid's got the world best nuclear deterrent protecting her. Between the Avengers, the X-men and SHIELD that kid might as well be walking around with a force field around her." Natasha said casually but he still felt comforted by her words. He smiled gratefully at her.

"Thanks, Nat."

"You aren't going back to sleep any time soon and you probably worked yourself up. Wanna hit the mats? Do some yoga?" She asked. Lately she had been making him join her in her yoga routine. The professor even got her to do a class on the weekends.

"Yeah, that'd be good." She held her fist out to him and he bumped his against hers with a smile. He was glad to have friends like her.

Steve doesn't tell Sam of the nightmare, largely because he forgets about it. He figured Natasha was right, it was probably his own anxiety getting to him. Wouldn't be the first time, probably wouldn't be the last. However another night finds him having the dream again. The blonde, instead of kicking him in the stomach, cuts him open and pulls his baby out of his body. The pain was so visceral that he ended up jolting awake. He sat up abruptly, breathing heavily. He rubbed a hand over his face and found his forehead sweaty, probably from shaking. His skin felt clammy too though. He looked over to Sam's side of the bed but he wasn't there. He glanced towards the bathroom door and saw the light on under the door. He sighed before swinging his feet over the side of the bed and stood up only to falter immediately.

"Ah, Jesus Christ." He held his back with one hand and braced against the bed with the other hand as a stab of pain shot through his lower back and abdomen. He looked over to bed with dread hoping he wouldn't find blood like he had last time. There was a spot where he had been laying, it wasn't as large as last time but it was there and it wasn't small.

Oh god, please not again. I can't do this again. I can't lose her please.

He felt himself breathing faster and his heart pounded loud in his ears. He opened his mouth to call for Sam but found he couldn't speak, panic taking the ability away as another stab of pain hit him. He felt hot blood running down his leg. He opened his mouth again but still no words came. Tears welled up in his eyes at his own weakness and inability to help his own child.

Stop it! You can do this, it's for her. It's for your daughter. Panicking isn't going to help her, it'll only make it worse. Steve told himself.

He remembered his mom coaching his breathing after bad asthma attacks. The seizing he felt in his lungs now wasn't that different.

'Come on sunshine boy. Close your eyes. Deep breath in. Short breaths out. You know this. I'm right here.' He let the phantom of his mother calm him down and when he opened his mouth and called for Sam words actually came though they were low and raspy from sleep. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"Sam!" The bathroom door cracked open and Sam peaked out at him curiously before realization flooded his face.

"Shit." He cursed. He popped back into the bathroom for ten seconds before he came out with a cup of water in his hands. He passed it to Steve before feeling his forehead and face.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. But I'm bleeding." Sam cursed again before he helped Steve to stand up and started leading him from the room. Sam led him down the hall towards Jean and Scott's room.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let me fall."

"When have I ever?" Steve nodded, feeling reassured as Sam's arms tightened around him. He knew he wouldn't let him go.

"Braxton-Hicks contractions." Storm announced. Steve had spent the last two hours being poked and prodded and examined by Storm, Jean and the Professor. Sam hadn't left him for more than a minute the whole time but the hovering didn't annoy him now, he sorely needed it.

"Seriously?" Sam asked.

"In a form." Jean clarified before looking to Storm to clarify.

"Well, Braxton-Hicks contractions are the body's way of trying get ready to give but seeing as how you don't have a viable birth canal it's a little more complicated. Blood spotting isn't uncommon in pregnancy but your body is trying to ready muscles that you don't have so it ended up hurting more than helping but don't worry, Saralise is perfectly fine but we may need to move the date of the surgery up. Pre labor doesn't usually cause this much pain or spotting. We'll monitor you over the next two days and if this happens again we need to seriously consider moving up the C-Section." Steve squeezed Sam's hand trying to


	8. Infinite

**AN:** **So this was a journey and a half but this is the final chapter. I really wanted to** **finish** **this story so I just wanted to get these scenes on** **paper** **. I may expand this into a series once I finish some other projects I'm currently working on but I thank all the people who have read this, liked it, reviewed etc.**

 _ **"I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle." - Vincent Van Gogh**_

 **PART VIII: Infinite**

 _Sam looked around himself in a daze. He was dreaming and he knew he was because his father was there and so was his grandmother. It was Thanksgiving at Nana Elise's. He was suddenly hit with deja vu. He had had this dream when Steve had the miscarriage. He stopped breathing for a second, wondering what he would find when he woke up. He looked to the back door and saw his Nana standing there with a soft smile on her face as she nodded for him to follow her outside. He made his way towards her, briefly brushing his father's shoulder on the way. When he made it outside she was sitting on the porch swing watching the setting sun just like last time. He sat down next to her, resting his head on her shoulder like he used to do._

 _"I told you it was all gon' be okay." She said softly, brushing her fingers across his scalp._

 _"Yeah, you did. Don't know why I ever doubted you."_

 _"Nor do I, silly boy. You should know better." Sam chuckled lightly and leaned closer to his Nana._

 _"You did good, my boy. She's a beautiful girl."_

 _"Yeah. Yeah, she is." Sam enjoyed the comfortable silence and the sunset with his grandmother before she spoke again._

 _"Someone else wants to speak with you. They're on the front porch." Sam looked behind him as if the person would materialize then. He was dreaming so they probably could but his Nana nudged him and so he got up and walked around the house to the front porch. There was someone sitting in his grandfather's rocking chair shrouded in the shadows of night. He inched closer trying to get a look at them when they began to speak._

 _"Well Sammy, wish I could say I didn't see this coming but I totally did." Sam paused in place, feeling pain well up in his chest as Riley got up and stepped into the moonlight. He had that goofy ass smile he always wore, his eyes twinkling with mischief while the moon made his sandy brown hair look more blonde than brown. Sam was sure his heart stopped beating in his chest._

 _"You know I always figured it'd be you to settle down. Get married, dog, kid, the whole nine yards. Figured that even after you told me you were gay. Suppose I should say congratulations, you big softie." Sam was stuck between just crying outright or letting Riley draw him into the banter. The banter usually always won._

 _"Well one of us had to. Good thing it's the sensible one." Riley smiled impossibly larger._

 _"Says the guy who knocked up Captain America."_

 _"Don't be jealous because I have that fine piece of man in my bed every night." Riley started laughing after that, loud guffaws that was always infectious to Sam. Sam's laughter tapered off into a sad smile._

 _"I miss you, man."_

 _"You better. Don't miss me too much though; you've done good for yourself brother. Real good." Sam smiled widely at Riley's approval._

 _"Thank you." He couldn't help but say to Riley._

 _"I didn't do a damn thing, that was all you." He answered._

 _"Maybe but I know you're looking out for me, so thank you."_

 _"You wanna thank me? Name the next one after me." Sam chuckled before pushing Riley's shoulder affectionately, the man responded by pulling him into a hug._

 _"I just might do that." Sam held Riley tightly; he was almost able to smell him: sweat, his beloved donuts and the scent of jasmine that came from the lotion his mother always sent him. Part of Sam wanted to stay there, stay with Riley but there was something else, something outside of himself that was calling to him._

 _"Go man, go live your life." Riley said before the dream began to fade to black. Sam woke up softly, snuggling into the sheets of his and Steve's bedroom a bit deeper before he finally opened his eyes._

The room was mostly dark but there was some light peeking from the cracked door of the nursery attached to their bedroom. They had moved back into the Tower three months prior after spending a week in the hospital just making sure everything was okay with both Steve and Saralise. The move back had been an event and a half but they had managed it. Sam's mother had come down as soon as she could and had been living at the Tower with them ever since helping them take care of Saralise along with everyone else. It was mildly entertaining and sweet how everyone would dote on her and try to give them tips that they had gotten from the hundreds of baby magazines and books they had apparently been studying religiously but it wasn't that necessary.

Saralise was a sweet, if quiet baby. She didn't cry very much which was concerning to Steve and Sam but they were just told to count their blessing that colic wasn't a probably they had to face with her. Saralise only seemed to really cry if she was left alone for too long and that was rarely a problem with everyone in the Tower. Sam sat up and looked at the baby monitor on his night stand; he could see Steve in the nursery asleep in the rocking chair with Saralise in his arms. He got up from the bed and made his way to the room, slipping inside quietly. He made his way to Steve, trying to gently lift Saralise from his arms without waking him but he still startled awake at Sam's movements.

"Just me." Sam reassured him, bringing Saralise over to her crib and laying her down carefully on her back. She fussed a little bit, her eyes cracking open. Sam looked up as JARVIS turned the lights down and projected a clearing at night onto the ceiling above her crib. The trees swayed lightly in the breeze and the sound of running water and crickets filled the room. Saralise opened and closed her hands a bit before her eyes closed and the sounds of nature lulled her back to sleep. Sam smiled down at his daughter in her peaceful slumber before going back to his husband.

The wedding had been a small affair, just some members of Sam's family, the Avengers, the X-men and some of Xavier's students along with some SHIELD agents including Phil, Maria, Sharon and Fury. Nick had walked Steve down the aisle, Bucky was the best man and Sasha was the best woman. They didn't bother with a honeymoon. All that mattered was that they were man and husband now and they had their daughter. That was all he needed.

Sam smiled as Steve opened his arms for him and he sat down in his lap gently, letting Steve cuddle him closely.

"Love you."

"Love you too." Sam whispered, letting Steve rest his head on his shoulder and lightly doze. They probably wouldn't thank this position in the morning but Sam was content for now, besides they had an eventful week ahead of them.

The next day found Sam, Steve and Saralise standing outside the residential home where Peggy lived. The drive from New York to DC was long but they had made it, they had to do it now. This time next week Saralise's existence would be public knowledge so it had to be now. Sam looked over at Steve, he had seen him look less nervous when he was about to run into burning buildings or fight aliens than he did now. He was holding Saralise to his chest like she was a security blanket and staring at the building uncertainly. Sam rubbed a hand over his shoulder.

"Hey, it'll be fine. It's Peggy; it's not some stranger off the street. You gotta trust her more than that."

"I do trust her, you know that. I just, I just don't want to hurt her."

"Stop worrying, she already knows about Saralise. Sharon told her, it's just a matter of her meeting her. Do you really think she's going to be mad at you for this?" Steve reluctantly shook his head, shifting their daughter in his arms slightly.

"Come on. I'm right here with you." Steve looked over at him before nodding.

"Okay. Okay, let's do this." They walked into the building together, greeting the woman at the front desk before they made their way to Peggy's room. Sam was the one to knock as Steve's arms were full.

"Who's there?" They heard Peggy ask. Steve cleared his throat before speaking.

"It's Steve." There was silence for a moment before they heard a chuckle on the other side of the door.

"It's about bloody time. You better have Samuel and the littlest Avenger with you or you can turn right back around." Sam and Steve chuckled then before Sam opened the door and walked in ahead of Steve. He came to the side of Peggy's bed, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"You look more beautiful every time I see you, Miss Margaret." He told her, bending low to kiss her wrinkled hand.

"Flattery! Oh, how I've missed it. You're not looking so bad yourself Samuel. Especially for a new parent." Sam blushed a bit as Peggy gave him a wink. Steve sighed in exasperation; Sam could practically hear the eye roll in it.

"Is this the point where I throw in a chopped liver joke?" He asked.

"No but it is the point where you bring that child closer so I can have a look." Peggy said, her eyes glued to the bundle in Steve's arm. Sam could see an excitement and anticipation in her eyes that seemed almost childlike and he had to smile. Steve came over and sat on the edge of the bed so Peggy was able to peer down and visually inspect Saralise to her heart's delight.

"Her eyes..."

"They're my mother's."

"Mmm, oh yes. They are a few shades lighter than yours." Peggy was silent for a long moment, just looking down at Saralise who stared back at her, opening and closing her fists.

"We, uh, her middle name is Margaret. I... Saralise Margaret Wilson-Rogers. Sharon, well Sharon signed one version of the birth certificate so legally she's her mother just as much as we're her fathers so technically Saralise is your grandniece. Which is... I..." Steve rambled nervously as Peggy didn't speak. Sam watched her carefully, there were tears welling her eyes but she pushed them back down and continued surveying Saralise.

"She's beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. She's perfect." She said finally. Steve blew out a breath he probably didn't know he was holding.

"Yeah, yeah she is." Steve said with a wet chuckle. Peggy leaned forward and kissed Steve's cheek before grabbing Sam's hand and kissing it.

"I remember when I had my children. Daniel was so nervous all three times, you'd think it would get easier for him. He was such a worrier." Peggy reminisced with a fond smile.

"Any words of advice?" Sam asked. Peggy was quiet for a moment, brushing her fingers over Saralise's cheek.

"Don't let one second go to waste."

"I won't, never again." Steve vowed. Sam smiled down at him before leaning forward and kissing his forehead. Neither of them would.

Two days later it was Sam's turn to be a nervous wreck. They were finally going public now. After months of magazine theories and no comments it was time to enact their cover story. Pepper was pretty insistent that they do the big reveal with Christine. She was the right kind of gossip monger but she would also ask the questions they needed out of the way. So it was so that Steve, Sam, Sharon and Rhodey found themselves sitting across from Christine Everhart at the Tower apprehensively as the journalist held Saralise in her arms.

"Oh, you are precious. Pep, you didn't tell me she was this precious."

"I most certainly did, you were too busy to hear." Pepper said from behind Christine, the rest of the Avengers were there too silently spectating. Sam wasn't sure between which times Pepper decided to befriend Christine but apparently she had and it was only to their benefit.

"Your daughter is beautiful." She said handing her back to Sharon.

"Thank you." Steve answered with a smile as Sharon eagerly took Saralise back. Sam had noticed how receptive she was towards Saralise. Even though she wasn't her biological parent and had only signed the birth certificate that would be "leaked" to the public soon enough to protect Saralise, Sam could see longing in her eyes that he didn't mind or feel threatened by. Saralise would need a mother at some point and Sharon was their friend, she'd be publicly known as her mother anyway.

"So how was the decision made to have a baby? In the social and political climate we find ourselves in now, was it a hard decision to make?" Christine asked.

"Of course it was. It was one of the hardest decisions we've ever made but I don't regret it. I love Sam and I've learned the hard way that timing isn't all it's cracked up to be." Steve answered.

"And having Agent Carter as a surrogate?"

"I volunteered. They're my friends and I wanted them happy so I volunteered for it. They were hesitant to accept, they didn't want to put me out in that way. But I talked to Rhodey about it. Deciding to have someone else's child is a big decision and could make or break any relationship." Sharon answered before turning to Rhodey.

"It was a surprise for sure and I wasn't sure how it would work but we had a long talk before I realized it was just something she wanted to do for her friends and for herself. Who was I to stop her? Not like anything could once her mind is made up." Rhodey said, kissing Sharon's cheek.

"So how does it work for you all? Agent Carter is her biological mother, Sergeant Wilson her biological father but I imagine a situation like this can be difficult. What are the drawn lines in the sand, so-to-speak?" Steve decided to answer.

"Sam and I are her parents. We'll be her primary care givers but Sharon's name is on her birth certificate for a reason. She's not just our surrogate, she's Saralise's mom. We're not naive. She's a young girl with a lot of aunts but in my opinion it would be wrong of us to deny our daughter a chance at a mother. Sharon can teach her and help her with things we can't." Steve said. Sam held his hand, they were doing well so far.

"As for me, I'll just be Rhodey. I think the daddy slot is pretty full already." They all chuckled good naturedly at the joke.

"What about the Avengers? Fighting crime and injustice might just have to take a back seat." Christine questioned.

"Someone I hold dear to my heart told us not to waste a second and we won't. We're going to be there for our daughter." Steve said.

"We'll still fight, still do what we can so that she doesn't have to fight the fights we fight but we've got priorities higher than that at the moment." Sam finished.

"I think anyone would do the same in your position and would be remiss to criticize you for it." They all smiled a little at Christine and went on about the interview. It seemed to go smoothly after that. They answered every question about the circumstances of Saralise's birth just as Pepper and Tony had coached them to and answered the fluffier questions about parenthood honestly and thoroughly. Once it was over and Pepper and Sharon were with Christine in the elevator they all breathed a sigh of relief.

"You think it worked?" Sasha asked.

"We'll find out once 'Vanity Fair' prints the story. Then you only have to tell that story a couple hundred more times to some screened news outlets as well as any press that hounds the Avengers at any events or missions and then we'll be golden." Tony answered tapping away at his cell phone while balancing Saralise on his hip.

"We'll make sure it works. Don't worry about it." Natasha added taking the baby to Tony's protest. Sam rolled his eyes, passing Saralise around the room seemed to be the Avengers' favorite new game. Sam looked over to his left as Steve squeezed his hand.

"She's right. We'll make them believe it, we'll do it together." Sam smiled at him before kissing the rings on Steve's finger. He was right, he knew he was. They could do this, they could do it just like they did everything else. They would do it together. And if their cover story crashed and burned and they were thrust into the limelight? Well, they would do that together too. It didn't matter as long as he had his family, there wasn't anything he was unwilling to face.


End file.
